Yearning
by Deandra
Summary: A man of Rohan serves King Elessar, but finds his life complicated by doing so. ONESHOT, but in 4 chapters. Part 164 of the Elfwine Chronicles.
1. Chapter 1

_**Part 164 of the Elfwine Chronicles. The Elfwine Chronicles are a series of one-shots built around the family group of Eomer, Lothiriel and Elfwine. The total number will depend on how many ideas I get for new vignettes.**_

_**A/N: This story started off with a new character being introduced as the lead, but as it developed, I remembered a remark lady scribe of avandell made in reviewing Awry, and made use of that here (in fact, in going back to reread her comment, I found out she even mentioned this possibility specifically, though I hadn't remembered that). Besides, this way it ties more directly to the Elfwine Chronicles!**_

_**Dedicated to Nadine – always supportive and a dear friend. Rest in peace.**_

**Yearning**

**Chapter 1 (late July, 31 IV)**

"Gasthold, some of us are going into town. Want to come along?" Brithadan asked.

Gasthold glanced up from where he was sprawled on his bunk in the soldiers' barracks, reading. He shook his head, answering, "No, I do not think so. I need to finish this so I can return it."

His friend eyed him for a moment, as he turned back to the book and continued reading. At length he commented, "You are a fool, you know that do you not?"

Gasthold looked up again. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that girl. You are wasting your time dreaming of her. You are only a soldier, and will never be anything more. The king would kill you instantly if he knew your thoughts about his daughter."

Gasthold shifted uncomfortably, the words too close to the mark. "I do not know what you are talking about. I have done nothing –"

"And you had better not _do_ anything! You know very well who I am referring to, Gasthold – that twin daughter of King Elessar, whichever one it is that you fancy."

"Belinzil is completely unlike her sister!" he protested, before he could catch himself, and then flushed red as he realized he had belied his previous ignorance. With a sigh, he told Brithadan, "Do not worry. I would never presume to approach her. But I cannot help caring for her, even if she will never feel anything for me in return."

Brithadan sat down on the edge of his bunk, and replied sincerely, "Come into town with us. There are many tavern girls who are more than willing to help you forget her. They are the ones you should pursue, if you must pursue any woman. They are the ones that marry soldiers."

Gasthold smiled at him. "No. I do want to finish this book so I can return it. And it would not be fair to those girls if my heart was not in my actions. Give me time; I will conquer this infatuation. Now, go on, and enjoy yourself – enough for both of us!"

His friend chuckled and stood, grinning sadly down at him. "Very well. I will see you later."

Despite his intention to continue reading, Gasthold found his thoughts now occupied with Belinzil. He had never meant to develop feelings for her, but during his time in Gondor, serving as part of Elessar's household guard, he had frequent occasion to observe her. The more he had seen, the more he had become smitten. Her twin, Tuilwen, was a lovely girl also, but Belinzil was unique unto herself. He knew the other soldiers gave little thought to which was which, and generally just referred to the pair collectively as "the twins" or "the princesses". He alone had noticed differences of habit and demeanor; he alone had detected that dimple that appeared in Belinzil's left cheek when she grinned, and knew that she had a mole on the back of her neck that Tuilwen did not share. He knew of her fondness for books and reading, her love for riding and being out of doors, her impatience with cooking and the way she struggled with needlework. He knew she preferred rainy days to constantly sunny ones, and enjoyed visiting Prince Imrahil's family in Dol Amroth. All of the hours he had stood silently attending the sisters had not been wasted – he had been learning to love everything about her.

For all the good it did him. She knew not that he even existed. He was just another faceless, nameless soldier who was ever present in her life. And so it would always be. Brithadan was right. He was nothing more than a soldier and never would be. King Elessar would never think to allow his daughter to marry so low, even if the lady was ever inclined. And that inclination was most unlikely. A lady of Gondor's nobility, especially of royal birth, was never going to consider even the possibility of marrying so beneath her station. He needed to disabuse himself of any such romantic notions right now and move on, as Brithadan had suggested. Belinzil was only a part of his future inasmuch as he served her father. Beyond that, they would ever be strangers.

With a sigh, he reopened his book at the place where he'd stuck his finger, and forced his attention back to reading. Even so, it took longer than usual to finish out the final chapter.

xxx

Belinzil sat on her dressing table bench and scowled at her reflection in the looking glass, though her thoughts were elsewhere.

"What is wrong with you?" Tuilwen asked, glancing up and noticing her sister's expression.

Belinzil sighed, and then she groused, "I am not sure I even wish to go to the dance tonight! It is not as though anyone would notice. If you move around a great deal, they will think we are both there anyway!"

Tuilwen came over to stand behind her sister, putting her arms around her and pulling her close. "What is this? You have always enjoyed the dances, until now."

Belinzil leaned back into her, not meeting her eyes. She searched for a way to explain and finally offered, "I just get so weary of no one being able to tell us apart. We are very different, but they all just look at the façade and do not bother delving any deeper. I would have someone – anyone – see me for myself! How shall we, either of us, ever find someone to love and marry if the young men are not terribly concerned with which sister they are getting?"

A tear of frustration trickled down her cheek, and Tuilwen wiped it away for her as she pressed a kiss to her sister's head. "One day some young man will see _you_, Belinzil, I am sure of it. It is not their fault that we look so very much alike, and it is nearly impossible at dances for them to see enough of us to make a distinction. Now that Father is more willing to allow suitors, we will have the opportunity to come to know someone more closely, and then they can begin to see us separately. We will just have to watch for a man who interests us, and then encourage him to make the effort to see more than identical faces."

Belinzil knew her very practical sister was right about this, but it did not seem particularly heartening advice. Young ladies were not supposed to pursue young men; it was not done. And she could not see being interested in them if they were not interested enough to put in some effort initially. She forced a smile, though she doubted it fooled Tuilwen, as she answered, "You are right. I will try to keep that in mind." Standing up, she turned and asked, "Are you ready to go into town? Perhaps I will find something in one of the shops to improve my mood."

Tuilwen smiled knowingly, but made no comment at Belinzil's pretended good humor. "Yes, let us go."

xxx

Gasthold worked his way through the busy streets. He had just returned the book to Lord Faramir, and come away with another two. Lord Faramir seemed eager to encourage his reading, and often made suggestions of what he should read next. On less busy days, the two men would sit and discuss whatever book he had just finished.

Now that his errand was accomplished, he considered whether to track down Brithadan and the others to share a drink. The drink sounded appealing, but he was reluctant to face further pressure to romance some tavern girl, which he knew was likely to happen. As he turned the bend in the road, still trying to reach a decision, he was surprised to spot a familiar face not far ahead, and moved toward his fellow soldier.

Gasthold greeted Celondur with a smile and friendly arm clasp. They chatted for a moment about inconsequential matters, until it occurred to Gasthold that Celondur should be working.

"What are you doing in town? Are you not on duty just now?" he asked curiously.

"I am, but I am escorting the princesses while they shop." Celondur made a face at the less-than-inspiring task.

Gasthold glanced around their vicinity, feeling a bit uneasy. "Indeed, then where are they?"

Celondur gestured to his left. "They went off down there. Do not fret. That road dead-ends. They will have to come back this way eventually."

Gasthold's frown deepened as he said, "Even so, you should not let them out of your sight." He began moving toward the alley as he spoke and, shaking his head at this unnecessary concern, Celondur fell in behind him.

"You worry needlessly, Gasthold! What could happen to them in an alley? It is little used except to unload supplies to the shops." His companion did not bother to respond, but continued on his course.

The princesses had turned down the alley thinking it would lead them to another shop they both enjoyed. To their dismay, the roadway ended abruptly. "I am sorry," Tuilwen told her sister. "I thought we could get through here. We will have to go back."

As they turned, a large, and obviously rather drunk, man loomed in their path. "Well, well," he leered. "Just what I was needing – a bit of female company for the afternoon!" He lurched suddenly forward and caught Tuilwen by the wrist, dragging her toward the back of the alley.

Wide-eyed, Belinzil launched herself toward him, beating him with her fists. "Let her go!" she demanded.

Apparently annoyed by her bothersome attack, he backhanded Belinzil across the face, dazing her and sending her to her knees. Tuilwen, in a panic, came out of her stupor and began struggling to free herself from his grip as the full realization of the situation came to her.

At that moment, Gasthold and Celondur bolted into the alley. "Unhand her at once!" Gasthold bellowed in outrage, flinging himself toward the man.

Wheeling a bit unsteadily, the man shoved Tuilwen roughly against the wall. Her head snapped back, connecting with stone, and she crumpled to the ground unconscious.

The hefty man was belligerent, even in his drunken state, and it took a few moments for Gasthold and Celondur to subdue him. Once Celondur had him at swordpoint, Gasthold allowed his attention to turn to the princesses. His eyes naturally went first to Belinzil, who was still shaking her head, trying to clear it.

He scrambled toward her, exclaiming, "Belinzil! Are you all right?" Reaching her, he knelt beside her, catching both her arms.

Slowly she looked up, blinking in confusion, but then her head cleared a bit and she nodded. "I am fine, I think." Then it occurred to her what had happened, and she frantically glanced around until she spotted her twin. "Tuilwen!"

Gasthold's head whipped around to follow her gaze, then he rose and dashed over to check on the other girl. She lay unmoving and he gently felt to see if he could determine any broken bones. There was a small gash on her head from its contact with the stone wall, and it was bleeding but did not appear to be serious. Hefting the girl in his arms, he stood.

"Celondur, can you get him back by yourself? I must get Tuilwen to the Houses at once."

The other man nodded, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realized the censure he would likely suffer for his inattentiveness in escorting the princesses. Gasthold continued, "Once you have him imprisoned, get to the Citadel and inform the king of what has happened. He will want to attend his daughter personally."

Celondur nodded as Gasthold hurried away, with Belinzil hastening after him, a worried frown on her face.

xxx

Belinzil sat curled on a small bench, her knees drawn up to her chest, and Gasthold snuck sympathetic glances at her. He wanted nothing more than to hold and comfort her, but that was not his place. With a soft sigh he went over to look out the window. Suddenly, Belinzil's voice broke his reverie, "You called me by name."

For an instant, he didn't understand what she was saying and, seeming to realize that, she amended, "In the alley – you called me Belinzil."

Her eyes gazed at him in confusion, and he offered, "My apologies, my lady. I spoke without thinking. I should not have been so informal."

"No," she persisted, "that is not what I meant. How did you know it was me rather than my sister? Few can tell us apart."

Without thinking, he responded, "I could never confuse you with anyone." Suddenly he realized what he was saying, and flushed slightly, fearing he had given himself away. To hide his discomfiture, he moved toward the doorway and scanned the hallway, seeming to be looking for someone. After a moment, he stepped into the hall so he could not be seen inside the room, and leaned against the cool stone wall, sighing. He would need to be more careful. The king would not approve of this infatuation with his daughter, and he did not wish to make Belinzil uncomfortable around him if she learned of it.

He heard the door to the other room open and stepped back into the doorway to listen, as Elessar and the Healer came out of the chamber where Tuilwen had been placed. Belinzil immediately bolted into her father's arms. "Is she…will she be all right?" she asked fearfully.

He gave her a tender smile and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "She is fine. She will have a bit of a headache for awhile, but otherwise she is unharmed. What about you?" His hand brushed lightly over the bruise forming on the side of her face.

"It is nothing, Father. Concern yourself only with Tuilwen," she quickly urged him and he smiled again.

"Funny, when she awoke, she gave me the same instructions regarding you!" he teased, eliciting a grin from his daughter.

Now the king's eyes lifted to rest upon Gasthold waiting nearby. "My thanks to you, Gasthold. I am grateful you were there to avert a far more serious outcome." Putting his arm around his daughter, he added, "We have given Tuilwen something to help her sleep for awhile. Will you come with us to the king's house while I return her to her own bed?"

"Of course, my lord," Gasthold quickly agreed, stepping forward. "Is there something you wish me to do?"

"No, just accompany us. I realize you are not on duty just now, but since you are here, and since I wish to speak further with you, you may as well join us."

Gasthold looked uneasy, but nodded his acquiesence. "Yes, my lord."

It was a silent processional as they made their way to the seventh level. Gasthold had offered to carry Tuilwen, but the king assured him he was quite capable of it. Though rumor had it that the king was over a hundred years of age, he did not look it, and Gasthold thought he had seen far younger men who were not so hale and hearty.

After Tuilwen was safely tucked in and Belinzil gone to freshen herself, Elessar signaled Gasthold to accompany him to his study. Once there, Elessar moved to stare out the window for several moments, and Gasthold stood at attention, waiting to see what was required of him.

Finally, Elessar turned and gave the young man a friendly smile. "Please have a seat." He gestured to a couch as he moved to seat himself in a chair. "May I offer you refreshment?"

Gasthold hesitated to answer, not sure of the protocol in such matters, but the king seemed to suspect his thoughts and added, "Arwen had some freshly pressed apple juice sent up, after it was chilled in the ice house. We ought to find that refreshing on this warm afternoon, do you not agree?"

Gasthold nodded his concurrence and the king moved to pour out mugs of the sweet liquid for them. Reseating himself, he handed one mug to the young man and took a sip from his own. At length, he said, "I will not keep you in suspense, and likely worried, about why I have called you here. Tuilwen is awake and out of danger, and for that I must again give you my thanks. May I ask how it was that you came to their rescue when it was not you escorting them?"

Nervously Gasthold cleared his throat. While he did not wish to get Celondur into trouble with the king, it was clear the man already knew something of what had happened. Again seeming to read his thoughts, Elessar told him quietly, "I do know Celondur was on duty and no doubt inattentive. Having been a soldier myself, I know that escorting princesses on shopping excursions is not a favored assignment. Even so, there will be some punishment for his laxity. Desirable service or not, it is necessary and I must be able to depend on those charged with the responsibility."

Gasthold nodded his understanding, then explained, "I was merely running errands in town and happened to come upon Celondur. Then I realized why he was there and became concerned that the princesses were not in sight."

Elessar considered this a moment, then persisted, "And why did you not leave it to Celondur since it was his responsibility rather than yours?"

"I…I was concerned about the twins' safety, my lord. Even when I am not on duty, I cannot think I have no responsibility for your household. I took an oath to serve and protect you," Gasthold answered earnestly. While he knew that not all soldiers felt so conscientious about such things, he had been raised to have unswerving devotion to his duty and would never even contemplate swaying from it.

A slow smile spread over the king's face. "I could wish for a hundred men such as you," he said sincerely. "Which is one of the reasons I was so willing to take you two years ago when Eomer indicated you wished to come to Gondor and serve. Your father is just the same, and he would not be second in command of King Eomer's guard were he not completely trustworthy and honorable."

Elessar rose and moved again to the window, gazing silently out for several moments. Gasthold took the opportunity to hastily gulp down a few swallows of juice, wondering where this conversation might be leading.

Turning back, Elessar told him, "I have a task to be completed for which I need someone I can trust implicitly. I believe you are such a man, Gasthold. My daughters have long wished to visit their sister in Rohan, especially now that she has just given birth. Always in the past, such trips have been made in the company of my wife and I. While I do not doubt that King Eomer and Queen Lothiriel will watch over them as if they were their own children, I need someone to serve as escort for them while they are there. I know that the task may ofttimes be tedious, but it is necessary nonetheless. Of course, I do not think you will object to spending a month or more in Edoras, having the opportunity to see your family again. I would like to be able to leave it to your discretion as to when and how much time you are with them. If you believe they are adequately protected by Eomer's guards or those under your command, then you have permission to take time off and do as you please. Certainly once they are inside Meduseld for the night, and until they are ready to leave it the next day, you do not need to be with them, but I want to feel assured of their safety. Can I entrust this to you?"

The young man's eyes had gone wide at the king's explanation, and he swallowed hard at the question. "Of course, my lord! I should be most pleased to serve you in this matter. I will not fail you, I swear it!"

Elessar bit back a grin at the eager response. He had not doubted he would receive such, considering what he knew of Kialmar's son. Nor did he doubt the man would be scrupulous in attending to his duty. If anything, his daughters were likely to be annnoyed by Gasthold's overprotectiveness in carrying out his responsibilities, but Elessar did not want to take any chances with their safety. There were far too many who would welcome a chance to strike at the king through his children. The abduction of Eomer's son, Elfwine, many years before had been ample proof of that. "Very well, then. I shall make the arrangements. Likely you will set out within the week. I will be in contact with you during that time to keep you abreast of the details. And I thank you for your readiness to serve. You are free to return to your day's activities now."

Gasthold nodded and rose, draining his mug of juice in a quick swallow, and giving the king a faint smile before moving to the door.

xxx

Elessar settled into the chair at his desk and gestured for Gasthold to sit across from him.

"My daughters are planning what they will want to take for this journey to Rohan and, hopefully, we will have some idea of how much baggage will be involved in the next few days. Both of them will ride their horses there, so there will be no need for a carriage," the king explained. Noticing a questioning look on the soldier's face, he asked, "Yes?"

"I was just wondering if Lady Tuilwen is well enough to ride such a distance. Perhaps we should have the carriage along in the event she tires," Gasthold suggested.

Elessar smiled, and nodded. "I had thought that also, but she assures me it is not necessary, and she was most adamant about riding. I do think she is well enough recovered for it not to be a problem; however, you should be prepared to shorten your day's ride if you suspect she is flagging. Likely Belinzil will bring it to your attention even if her sister hesitates to do so. They are very solicitous of one another."

"Yes, my lord," Gasthold agreed.

The king's jaw twitched before he said firmly, "Gasthold, although you will be serving my daughters during this trip, I am putting you in charge and trusting your good judgement in such matters. Do not let my daughters attempt to bully you into doing anything you think unwise. You have far more experience in these things, and I am relying on you to stand up to even their combined force!" He let a smile slip through to reassure the young man, and Gasthold returned it.

"I have two sisters, my lord. I believe I am up to the challenge, but I will keep in mind I have your authorization to refuse them if necessary!"

"Good! Have you chosen the men to go with you?"

Gasthold nodded and passed a parchment to him. Elessar glanced down, perusing it quickly, then looked up. "This is good, but I would like another six added to it. That will make an even two dozen and should be sufficient for safety. Once you are in Rohan, you can schedule however many you think you need to be on duty at any given time. Most of them are mainly needed for the journey itself." He handed the list back to Gasthold. "Have you any questions?"

"No, my lord…only, I trust you and your wife will feel free to send whatever you like to Lady Dariel. It should not encumber us overmuch to have such with us."

Again Elessar smiled. "I appreciate the thought, and I am sure my wife is already thinking along those lines, particularly in light of the new grandchild! And you should not hesitate to take whatever gifts you may wish to your family as well. You need not travel only with your soldier's kit. There are privileges to be had for one who is in command!"

Gasthold flushed, but nodded, "Thank you, my lord."

With a sigh, Elessar rose. "Ah well, I suppose I must get back to my duties. Truth be known, I would much rather be planning to accompany you. I could use a little time in Edoras, away from the requirements of rule," he confessed.

Gasthold smiled sympathetically, and gave a bow as he moved toward the door. Elessar's eyes followed the young man out, and then he moved to the window and gazed over the Pelennor. Kialmar's son was a fine young man, and he had been fortunate that the lad wished to serve in Gondor rather than Rohan. Eventually, he would likely wish to return to his homeland, but for the moment, the novelty of this different land and society seemed to his liking. Elessar could hope it would be a long time before that changed. It was not easy to find men so trustworthy. At a mere six and twenty years, he was a bit young for the responsibility the king was giving him, but Elessar did not doubt he would acquit himself admirably.

xxx

Elessar watched his twin daughters scurry away from the noonday meal table, their heads together and speaking in low, hurried tones. It had been like this ever since he had informed them their desired journey to Rohan was scheduled. They planned and replanned all that they wished to take with them, and eagerly anticipated both the travel itself and their time in the north. He could not help smiling, wondering if this behavior was unique to twins or young ladies in general. Still, he was grateful for the timing of it – likely it had helped the pair to recover from the trauma of the attack upon Tuilwen by diverting their attention.

"You worry too much, my love," Arwen said quietly beside him, drawing him from his reverie. "They will be fine, both in recovering from the assault and in their visit to Dariel. Gasthold was well chosen to lead their escort party, and they are old enough to be out in society on their own more. Difficult as it is for you, beloved, you must not let your fears imprison them."

Elessar smiled ruefully at his wife. "I know, but they are not warriors who can adequately defend themselves, and I fear what others might do to them in attacking the crown. I prefer to be cautious than to risk them. That something like that assault could happen in our own city, with a guard attending them, is unnerving."

"It was an unfortunate set of events that led to such, Estel. There should have been no harm in the girls cutting through that back alley. Normally, if deliveries were being made, it would even have been busy. It was unexpected that a drunken man lurked there, and that their guard would be slow to realize the danger. I doubt very much any of the soldiers will ever again fail to keep proper watch, knowing of Celondur's misstep."

"Of course, you are right. I will try to be easier, but I cannot help being concerned for their safety." His eyes lost a bit of focus for a moment as his thoughts drifted elsewhere. Then he asked, "Am I making a mistake in sending Gasthold with them, do you think?"

Arwen smiled at the question. This debate had been ongoing for several days now, with Elessar second-guessing himself on the matter. "I have told you already that you are not. He will do nothing inappropriate with either of our daughters. I feel certain of that. Regardless of any feelings he may harbor for Belinzil, he will keep his station at all costs." She sighed then, and added, "In many ways I pity him his affections. I do not think Belinzil has ever even noticed him, and I do not know that she would ever consider seeking the sort of life she would have if she were to choose him. Our daughters were not raised to such a challenging life. I would hope they would be equal to it, but it would not come naturally to them."

The king leaned back and eyed his wife curiously. "You almost sound as though you would sanction such a pairing."

The Elf nodded. "I would. I would sanction any pairing that brought our children happiness, particularly if it is happiness such as we have known. Fine clothes, opulent buildings and all the trappings of royalty are all very well, but they are not the substance of life, and I would hope that all of our children know that. I, myself, would gladly share a bark hut in the wilds with my dear husband – so long as we were together."

A warm smile lit Elessar's face at the remark and he reached for Arwen's hand, giving it a loving squeeze. "You are ever the one to speak directly to the heart of a matter! Yes, I too would wish our daughters to find the same happiness we have, though I think for them it may be even more difficult than what we faced. There are many young men eager to know them for the advantage of it. Eldarion and Dariel were very fortunate to find love despite that. I hope our youngest will do likewise, even if it means their marrying beneath their station. In truth, Gasthold is an excellent man, and I would be foolish to oppose such as a son-by-law. I trust his motives far more than most of the nobility panting after the twins!"

Arwen's musical laughter rent the air and Elessar chuckled with her before rising. "Ah well, back to work. It is up to Belinzil to make such a decision for herself. I will not press her on any man."

TBC

Notes:

Belinzil – "shining flower"

Tuilwen – "flower maiden"

Gasthold – "faithful soul"

Brithadan – "gravel man"

Celondur – "dark river"

Abadwyn - "expected joy"

Frideberht - "bright peace"

Athric – "powerful oath"

Tamleod - "mild man"

Rosswenn – "rain maiden"

Kialmar - "more speckled" (has lots of freckles) (from cylu - spotted, mára - more) – I made up this name before I knew much about Tolkien's languages, and likely this is a poor choice, but I don't like to change names once they have been used. The best "rationale" I could come up with for the name is given in the word sources I used to create some sort of meaning for it.

Jul, 30 IV – Dariel gives Cirion's babyclothes to Theodwyn for first child who was born in Sep (Gerisen)

beg of Nov, 30 IV – Dariel becomes pregnant with Selinnan

late Jul, 31 IV -_Selinnan born ("joy from within") – dau of Elfwine/Dariel_

**Yáviérë - **The harvest feast of Gondor - The harvest feast-day of the Stewards' Reckoning of Gondor, lying between the months of Yavannië and Narquelië. On a modern calendar, Yáviérë would have fallen on 21 September.

31 IV: Gasthold would be 26, twins would be 21 Eldarion 31, Luthiel 26, Elf 30, Thw 23, Thm 21, M 17, Thd 8, Ara 8; Gasthold's sisters Abadwyn would be 15 and Frideberht 23 (marr to Athric 24) (Eomer 60, Loth 52)

29 IV: Gasthold comes to service of the King of Gondor in the household guards

_in #98 Awry:__ Miren became Lothiriel's nurse to the children in 23 IV when Theodred was born, since Morwen was 9 by then and Daelwyn had retired. In 25 IV, Miren's kids are 9, 17 and 20 (the eldest is male, the others are female). The two eldest run their home and care for their little sister while Miren goes to M.T. with Lothiriel and Theodred. Kialmar, Miren's husband, is head of the King's Escort (second to Eothain of King's Guard) and is also on the trip, so the children are home alone, though their Aunt Lissa checks on them._

_Eothain is Captain of the King's Guard and remains at Edoras to protect the city._

Miren's son (Gasthold) was born in 5 IV (20 in 25 IV); 2 daus (Frideberht b 8 IV and Abadwyn b 16 IV)

_**End note: **__** It is best that you read the Elfwine Chronicles in the order they were written.**__** The more of them that I wrote, the more likely I was to make reference to one of the previous ones and something that happened there. If you want to read them in order, go to the top of this page and click on my name (Deandra). That will take you to my profile page. Scroll down and you will find all the stories I have written. The Elfwine Chronicles are in order from bottom to top since ffn shows them in the order they were posted. A few were posted out of number order, but you can read them in posting order or number order since those few won't be affected in the story content.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Yearning**

**Chapter 2 (early Aug, 31 IV)**

Almost there. Gasthold was grateful that his first command of an escort party had gone so smoothly. The weather had even been favorable, not so blistering hot as he had feared, and they'd made good progress each day. The princesses were both accomplished riders and did not delay their journey. Indeed, some of the men had suffered more initially, being unused to so much time in a saddle.

All of a sudden, two horses streaked past him, causing his own mount to snatch eagerly at the bit in a bid to follow them. For a moment, he was alarmed to see the twins galloping away from him, but then their laughter drifted back to him on the summer air and he realized they were merely racing one another. Nudging his own horse, he was promptly in pursuit, not wanting to allow them to get too far separated from protection. His own stallion quickly closed the gap to the smaller mares, who were already slackening their pace as they passed a large oak tree by the side of the road. Apparently that had been the chosen finish line, and the race was ended. He eased his horse down to a canter as he joined them, raising an eyebrow. "So, who won?" he asked with a smile.

The two glanced at one another and then burst into laughter. Shrugging, Tuilwen admitted, "We do not know! We were enjoying ourselves so much we forgot to pay attention to that detail!"

Belinzil's countenance suddenly sobered as she realized why he was there with them. "Are you angry with us, Gasthold? We did not mean to do anything dangerous, but it seemed a fine idea at the moment," she sheepishly apologized.

He grinned again, and shook his head. "No, I am not angry, though I do hope you will not forego caution in pursuit of amusement. This was harmless enough, or I would have made more effort to stop you." Noticing their horses were still blowing and sweating from the exertion, he added, "You had best walk them back to join the rest of our party, to let them cool off a bit." He nodded toward their mounts and the girls acknowledged their understanding.

As the three turned back down the road, the twins fell in on either side of Gasthold. He glanced at his bookends out of the corners of his eyes, but made no comment. At length, Belinzil queried, "We shall arrive today?"

"Yes," he responded. "In just a few hours, I should think."

"You are from Rohan, are you not?" Tuilwen now asked.

"I am, though my mother is originally from Dol Amroth. I suppose it is because of her that I wished to spend time in Gondor." He wasn't sure why he was being so forthcoming, except that this was the first time the twins had really ever spoken to him in such a casual manner.

"Do you –" Belinzil began, but they were interrupted by a shout as one of the Gondorian soldiers rode toward them, pointing behind them.

Looking back, Gasthold noted a mounted contingent approaching, and it did not take long before he made out the king's banner. "Looks like someone has come to greet us. Rejoin our party and I will go to make contact with them." Turning his horse, he nudged him to canter while the twins did as directed, though casting curious looks over their shoulders. Their own group had mostly reached them by now, and they all came to a halt to wait for further instructions from their Captain.

As Gasthold drew nearer the riders from Rohan, a grin slid over his face. He had thought it a bit unusual for the king himself to be coming out to meet them, but it was not so surprising to spot Elfwine, accompanied by Gasthold's own father. Elfwine signaled his party to a stop a short distance a way and spoke to Kialmar, who nodded and rode forward alone to meet the Gondorian captain.

The two men came to a halt facing one another midway between the two groups, eyeing each other silently. At last, Kialmar smiled and rode forward so his horse was alongside that of his son. Reaching out his arm, he offered a warrior's armclasp, which was readily received. "Father!" Gasthold exclaimed softly. "It is very good to see you again. Mother and the girls are well?"

"They are, and eager to see you also." Kialmar glanced at the Gondorian troop arrayed some distance back and smiled again. "Already Captain of the king's escort party for his daughters? It would seem you have done well for yourself these past two years in Gondor. That is a tale I look forward to hearing." His eyes shifted back to his son, whose expression had sobered.

"I will explain later, Father, but please do not discuss it openly. You will understand my reason when we speak more," Gasthold entreated.

Kialmar looked carefully at him, and then nodded. "As you wish." Straightening in the saddle, he spoke more formally, "Welcome to Rohan, sir. The king's household welcomes you, and Lord Elfwine himself comes to greet the young ladies of Gondor's royal house. We trust you had a safe journey?"

Mimicing the formal mode of address, Gasthold nodded. "Our journey has been uneventful, and we are pleased to visit this fine land. The young ladies are eager to greet their sister and the royal family of Rohan. We ask your permission to proceed."

"Granted," Kialmar responded succinctly.

Gasthold raised his hand and signaled his troop forward, and Kialmar did likewise. Once the two parties met, there were several moments lost to greetings between Elfwine and his sisters-by-law, both of whom began pelting him with questions about their newest niece. Laughing he held up his arms defensively. "Stop, stop! Shall I give you secondhand accounts here in the middle of the road, or shall we ride on so you may see her for yourselves?" he asked, and the girls fell sheepishly silent.

Turning to Gasthold, Elfwine suggested, "Shall my men lead the way and yours bring up the rear guard?"

Gasthold nodded. "As you wish, my lord."

"Perhaps you and Kialmar would like to take the head of the column, and the princesses and I will follow along behind you," Elfwine directed. With a simultaneous nod, the father and son turned and rode to their position on the road, and then signaled the entourage onward.

As they were far enough ahead so as not to be overheard, Gasthold gave his father a cursory explanation of recent events, saying he would go into more detail later when they were joined by his mother. Kialmar digested the information, saying nothing for several long minutes. At last he ventured, "I am proud of you, my son. You have conducted yourself well, though I always anticipated you would. Naturally I might have preferred you render such service for Rohan!" he teased. As the two chuckled, he added, "But Elessar is a good and worthy man. It is a great honor that he holds you in such esteem as to entrust his daughters to your care. Gondor, too, needs trustworthy men in her service, and unlike the Riddermark, I am not sure they are quite so easily found."

"There are good men there, too, Father. They just are not reared to be so dedicated to the king's service as we are in Rohan. They take longer to learn such because they come to it late. Perhaps it was not so during the War, but times of peace and plenty tend to make too many men vain and selfish. King Elessar is very particular in who he allows to guard his family, because he knows he must sift them most carefully to find the best of the lot."

"Including you?" Kialmar smirked, and his son blushed.

"I did not mean to suggest –"

"I know what you meant, and you are right. And his careful sifting _does_ include you, Gasthold, do not doubt that. He would not have considered Eomer's request that you serve in Gondor had he not thought you worthy, and he certainly would not have taken you directly into the household guard if he had any doubts about your integrity." They rode in silence once more for a long stretch, and then Kialmar spoke, "But, enough of this – tell me what you have been doing with yourself off in Gondor. Your letters are pitifully short and unnewsworthy!"

Gasthold grinned and chuckled. "I am a reader, not a writer, Father! You know that!"

"Aye! So, do you do anything in Gondor besides prowl the city's library for books?" And with that, they fell into a comfortable conversation that took them to the main road up to Edoras.

Kialmar remained to get the Gondorians settled into an encampment just outside the city's walls, while Gasthold and Elfwine took a small contingent and rode on toward Meduseld. The twins' excitement was almost palpable now; they had not had occasion to visit Rohan for several years and they were pleased to be back.

Much of the royal family had come out onto the terrace to greet their visitors, and the twins were quickly out of the saddle and dashing up to give hugs and kisses all around. Dariel had remained in out of the sun with the new baby, and the girls were fairly twitching with their eagerness to see the two of them.

Before they could slip inside, Gasthold inquired, "Shall you be in further need of an escort, my ladies?"

Drawing her attention to him, Tuilwen smiled. "No, Gasthold, we shall be fine for the remainder of the evening. We have no plans other than to bathe, rest and visit with family. If you will see that our belongings make it inside and the escort is settled, then you are free to go and visit with your own family. We will see you on the morrow."

He bowed and stepped back, anxious to do as she indicated. He had spotted his mother and sisters watching in the small group gathered at the foot of Meduseld, but duty required that he attend to his responsibilities first. His second in command walked at his elbow as he gave instructions while returning down the steps of Meduseld. A half dozen men from King Elessar's household guard had come along, to serve in a similar capacity here. They were to be housed in the barracks with Eomer's guard, though Gasthold would be staying with his family for the duration.

Once the horses were turned over to stablehands for tending, and the men had been introduced and begun settling in, Gasthold at last felt like he could seek out his family. He was not terribly surprised that his sisters were lingering outside, having trailed behind him at a distance as he went about seeing to his duties.

When he moved toward them, smiling, they took that to mean he was finally at liberty to be greeted properly, and they launched themselves at him, smothering him with hugs and kisses. When at last he could catch his breath from all the attention, he asked, "Where did Mother get to?"

"She went home," Frideberht explained, "and said that we should drag you there as soon as may be possible! Come – she is planning to have all your favorite foods for supper! And Abadwyn even made some apple tarts for you this morning."

He smiled at his youngest sister, who blushed with self-consciousness, and said, "Indeed? I should have left home sooner! You were not nearly so eager to feed me such treats when I was home!"

Abadwyn slapped his arm in feigned annoyance, but grinned in return, and then gave him another quick hug. "I am just very glad to see you. I have missed you so, Gasthold! Two years is too long!"

"I know, and I very much miss all of you, but I am enjoying my time there. Perhaps Mother and Father will allow you to come visit me some time and I may show you around." He pressed a kiss to Abadwyn's head and looked at Frideberht. "Where is Athric? I did not see him with you."

Frideberht smiled and explained, "He is gone to Aldburg to visit his mother who has been ill. He left yesterday, so you just missed him." Taking his hand, she tugged. "Come. Mother is eager to see you."

The trio made their way down through the streets to their home, and Miren was out the door to meet them almost as soon as they turned in the gate. Clearly she had been watching for their arrival. Warmly, she pulled her son into her embrace. "I am so glad to see you, dearest!" she whispered into his shoulder.

"It is good to be home, Mother," he answered sincerely. He had not realized just how much he had missed them all until now. He was vaguely aware of it periodically, and seeing his sisters had brought a pang, but it was nothing like the feeling that engulfed him now as he stood wrapped in his mother's arms.

It took several moments for Miren to regain control of herself and release him. "Come inside! You must catch us up on all your news. I want to hear everything you have been doing."

Gasthold would have gladly lent a hand in getting supper on the table, but the three women would not allow him to do anything more than sit at the table and be fawned over by them. He could not honestly say that he minded the preferential treatment. Certainly he got precious little of it as a soldier, so it was nice to know there was yet a place in the world where he was important and loved.

His father appeared just as supper was being put on the table, but since he had already shared most of his news with Kialmar on the ride in, he did not have to recap it for him.

They spent the remainder of the evening getting reacquainted and enjoying one another's company. With Frideberht married, this was the first time in a great while that they had all been together. Only after Frideberht had been escorted home and Abadwyn had turned in for the night did he pass along to his mother what he had shared with his father earlier. When he finished, she gave him a warm smile. "That is very considerate of you, dearest. Though it might feel good to have your friends know you are considered a hero in Gondor, you have chosen the better course. I will keep silent about this, but know that I am proud of your conduct."

xxxxx

It had seemed strange to sleep in his old room, which was far quieter than the barracks ever were. Even so, he was up before the sun broke the horizon and got some tea going while he stared out over the town of his youth. A noise behind him alerted Gasthold that he was no longer alone, and he turned to find his father entering the kitchen.

The older man grinned and shuffled over to check the pot. "Are you heating enough for two cups?"

Gasthold chuckled. "Yes. I put on enough for the ladies as well, in case they were up before I left."

Kialmar fetched two mugs from the cupboard and set them on the table to await the hot water. Easing down into a chair, he glanced up at his son. "So, who is she?" Kialmar questioned with a grin.

Gasthold blinked, and turned from the window to look sideways at his father. "Who is who?"

"The woman who has stolen your heart," came the simple response.

Gasthold flushed slightly, but asked, "What makes you believe –"

"Please, Gasthold! I may just be your poor old father to you, but I am also a man! The signs are there – you are smitten with someone."

Gasthold fell silent a moment, and then firmly replied, "It is unimportant. I will get over it. I must get over it."

Kialmar considered this, eyeing his son closely before rising to get the tea brewing now that the water was heated. "She is someone inappropriate, then. She does not share your feelings, or…she is above your station," he astutely observed. "One of the princesses, perhaps."

Gasthold's stomach lurched, and he looked quickly at his father. His reaction gave him away.

"Ah," Kialmar said quietly, then sighed. "I see your problem. What will you do?"

No words were spoken for several long moments, as each prepared their tea to their own liking, and then Gasthold answered, "Nothing. There is nothing to do. I shall conquer this, and if I cannot, then I will leave Elessar's service."

"Does the young lady know of your affections?" Kialmar asked, slowly stirring his drink.

"No, and it is just as well. It would only make things more difficult. I do not wish for her to feel awkward with me."

"You must do as you think right, of course," Kialmar acknowledged, but added, "however, bear in mind that Elessar is a fair and just man. I do not know that he would desire such an alliance for his daughter, and I am not encouraging you to pursue her, but I would have you be mindful that he will likely be more understanding of this matter than you suppose. So long as you conduct yourself honorably, I do not think you need fear his anger if he were to learn of your feelings."

Gasthold nodded, then chuckled. "My friend Brithadan claims he would kill me in an instant! He may be well up in years, but I believe he could easily best me in a fight! Still, he has always seemed a reasonable man. I will do nothing to lose his respect, Father. I promise you that."

"I was not worried about it," Kialmar reassured. "But I have had far longer to observe Gondor's king and get a sense of the man, and I wanted to make sure you were accurately taking his measure." He stood and laid a hand on his son's shoulder. "I will see you later. I must be about my duties."

Gasthold rose as well. "Yes, I must get moving also. Father…thank you. It is good to speak freely of this with someone. I have not dared confide it to anyone else."

Kialmar smiled and and clapped him on the arm. "I am always willing to listen. I may not be able to help you much, but I am always willing to listen."

He pulled out some hard rolls, cut a bit of cheese and handed a portion to his son as they moved together toward the door.

While Kialmar turned toward Meduseld, Gasthold made his way down the hill to check on the encampment. He had set his second in command to supervise things there, and keep the camp in order. Until they returned to Gondor, the soldiers would largely be on leave, unless the princesses wished to travel about and required an escort party.

Gasthold would supervise the household guard within the city and set their schedules for duty. Although he felt less concern about the princesses moving around unattended at Edoras than at Minas Tirith, he knew King Elessar would prefer they still be accompanied.

As he returned from the encampment an hour later, the town was beginning to stir, and a number of people called out greetings to him as he climbed the hill to Meduseld. When he reached the Golden Hall, the Riders of Eomer's Guard, as well as his own men, were already gathered for their break of fast and they waved a welcome to him.

Once he ascertained that the princesses had not yet put in appearance, he took a seat at one of the tables, and helped himself to a few eggs, some porridge and another cup of tea to supplement what little he had eaten earlier. For some reason, the food seemed to taste better here, whether due to the mountain air or simply that it was 'home'. Either way, he ate with relish. Over the next hour or so, many of Eomer's men drifted out to see to various responsibilities, while those with nothing demanding their attention remained to sit and chat with the Gondorians.

At length, the twins put in appearance, their new niece in their arms and Dariel trailing along keeping a watchful eye on her infant. They assured Gasthold they had no plans to venture into town today, and encouraged him to follow the Rohirric system of having a couple of guards be on duty at the guard hut, and they would send for them if needed.

Well-knowing this practice, he nodded his consent and assigned two men for the day, taking King Elessar at his word that rank had privileges, and heading off home to spend more time with his family. With Athric gone to Aldburg, Frideberht drafted him to help her with chores around her house, and Abadwyn accompanied them simply for the company. Gasthold had forgotten how much he enjoyed being with his sisters, or perhaps he had never truly noticed in the past, but now it was very apparent to him. The three of them seemed to find a great deal to talk about, and their laughter filled the air most of the morning.

Miren came to join them for dinner, and after they had eaten, Gasthold went to check on his charges and the men under his command. Abadwyn asked to accompany him, and he teasingly scowled at her, saying, "All right, but remember that I will be keeping an eye on you so none of those Gondorians get out of line!"

She blushed pink and ducked her head, but he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her head. "I am only jesting, dearest. I know you will behave, and they would not dare do anything amiss with their captain's sister!"

She smacked him on the chest, in annoyance at his teasing, while they made for the door, Frideberht's laughter following them out.

When Gasthold had gone to Minas Tirith two years before, his youngest sister was only thirteen years, and they had not had a great deal in common other than blood. He now found that in the intervening years she had grown far more interesting, and could hold intelligent conversation with him. Further, she had filled out somewhat and lost her young girl appearance, and he caught more than one man in his command eyeing her appreciatively. They seemed to find her abundance of freckles, which she had inherited from their father, to be interesting and attractive, and he could not deny that she was a lovely young woman now. He suppressed a grin at that realization; it had been a few years since Frideberht first attracted such notice, and she had been greatly annoyed by his protectiveness toward her, loudly insisting she would never find a husband with him dogging her steps. But Athric had not been dissuaded by her older brother, and eventually Frideberht had found a companion despite her dire predictions.

As yet, Abadwyn seemed somewhat oblivious to the interest she was generating, instead being too nervous and shy to realize that there was greater appreciation for her company than she could imagine. That would come in time, he knew, as she began to get used to spending time with men and socializing more. Even a few years ago she had been an accomplished dancer, so likely she would be much sought as a partner at dances. Yes, he would certainly need to keep a sharp eye on her while he was home!

In many ways, his home had not changed all that much. Rohan was never going to be so refined as Gondor. The Rohirrim were a simpler people, and they saw little need for a lot of fancy airs. True, the nobility did their best to match their southern neighbors whenever they were visited, but in general this was a much more relaxed society. After a few days of it, he realized how much he missed that easier attitude toward life in general. Still, he did enjoy the libraries that Gondor offered!

xx

They had been at Edoras for over a sennight when the first dance was held, and the twins were all atwitter over it. Both of them enjoyed dancing, and they particularly enjoyed the less formal dances that were done in Rohan. They had eagerly learned them when they attended Dariel's wedding, and were looking forward to the opportunity to brush up on their skills.

Supper ended, the tables were pushed back in preparation, and the musicians began taking their places. Already the young men were enthusiastically queueing up to dance with the twins, and both were on the floor for the first dance. Gasthold watched the proceedings from the sidelines, feeling an obligation to do more than merely enjoy himself all evening. As he wandered the perimeter, he came upon Morwen who greeted him cordially. "Welcome home, Gasthold! I have not had occasion to see you before this, but your sister has been telling me all your news."

He grinned at her, replying, "I do not have that much news to tell! A soldier's life is not all that exciting."

Morwen wrinkled her nose at that. "I cannot imagine that a soldier's life would be interesting at all! But, to each his own. So, tell me, do you still dance as well as you used to? We have missed having you here to partner us." The girls with her giggled, and she blushed slightly at her forwardness, but she had known Gasthold most of her life, and they had even learned to dance together under her mother's tutelage.

He smiled in return and told her, "Would you care to be the judge of it?" Offering his hand, she readily took it, and they stepped on the floor as the next dance began.

When it ended, she gave him a warm smile. "Yes, I would say you are as adept as ever! We shall enjoy having you here for awhile." Leaning conspiratorially toward him, she said more softly, "Some of the young men could well take lessons from you!"

"Or from your mother!" he replied with a laugh. "Not all are as fortunate as I was to have her assistance."

Just then another young man eagerly approached Morwen for the next dance and they parted company. Gasthold smiled as he watched her move back onto the dance floor. She had come a long way since the days when she would barely look at him during dance lessons, and her brothers had to coerce her onto the dance floor. His mother had insisted that he dance with her during lessons and at gatherings, so as to help her overcome her shyness. Participating in the company of one's brothers could only do so much to bolster someone's confidence.

Gasthold's eyes turned once more to the twins, and it did not take him long to locate them. Belinzil was still on the floor, though he had noticed her resting during the previous dance. Tuilwen was on the far side of the hall, surrounded by admiring young men, but as he gazed at her, he noticed a tenseness in her posture. His eyes narrowed as he tried to determine the cause of her unease, and then he discerned the slightly panicked look she wore at being surrounded and hedged in. Suddenly he realized what the trouble was, and instantly moved toward her.

"My lady Tuilwen," Gasthold said, stepping into their midst and bowing. "If it would not be too much trouble, might we speak privately?" His eyes came up to meet hers, her eyebrows raised questioningly, but at his steady gaze, she took the offered escape.

"Of course," she replied, stretching out her hand, and he immediately placed his arm under it. With a small nod to those gathered around her, Tuilwen said, "Please excuse me."

The young men reluctantly bid her farewell, and Gasthold slowly wended his way through the crowd, making for a side exit. If Tuilwen wondered where they were going, she did not question it, trusting him completely.

Once outside, Gasthold dropped his arm and stepped slightly away from her, bowing again. "The throng seemed to be...pressing in on you a bit, and I thought you might like to take some fresh air," he explained, casting her an understanding smile.

With a sigh, she turned away, realizing he had noticed her discomfiture. "You must think me a weak little coward," Tuilwen murmured.

"No! Not at all!" he hastened to assure her. "It is most understandable you would be skittish after such an unpleasant assault so recently. It will merely take a bit of time for you to recover your confidence and ease, that is all. Do not be embarrassed by it, my lady," he entreated.

She turned and gave him a warm smile. "You are most kind, Gasthold. I am pleased Father sent you as captain of our escort. I shall feel much more comfortable with your reassuring presence. Thank you."

He grinned at her and answered, "It is my pleasure, my lady. Now then, the queen has a lovely garden just back of Meduseld. Perhaps a stroll there would put you at ease and enable you to rejoin the party. I will stand watch until you are ready to return."

She nodded and led the way in the direction he indicated. As it turned out, they stayed nearly an hour, and Tuilwen did find it most soothing. After a short time, they had ended up conversing on a garden bench, and it had surprised her how well read he was. She had not thought most soldiers were inclined to reading, but he explained that his mother had been an avid reader, having access to the Dol Amroth library, as well as the books Queen Lothiriel had brought with her to Rohan. He had grown up being read to, and it had fostered a love of reading and learning of other people and places. "Fortunately, Lady Eowyn and Lord Faramir have been quite helpful in seeing that I have access to books in Minas Tirith. I think I would go quite mad if I could not read," he confessed.

She laughed and told him, "You and my sister! Belinzil is very fond of reading, but I do not care for it all that much, unless there is something particular that I want to know."

Gasthold bit back a smile, knowing full well of Belinzil's fondness for books, though he did not think he should say as much. Even so, Tuilwen did not miss the look on his face, or its implication. For some time, she'd had the sneaking suspicion that this young guard of theirs favored her sister, though Belinzil was clearly oblivious to it. When Belinzil had commented to her that he could tell the two of them apart, that had convinced her even more that she was correct in her assessment. None of the other soldiers, indeed, few outside the family, could discern between the twins. If Gasthold could do so, he was either extremely observant or had some particular interest to make the effort.

"May I ask you something?" Tuilwen queried, eyeing him curiously.

He nodded. "Of course."

"Why did you not tell anyone here that you had rescued us from an attacker? My sister, Dariel, was surprised to learn of it when I mentioned the reason for your being captain of our guard," Tuilwen explained.

Gasthold looked down at his hands, considering his response. At length he told her, "I…I knew it would be much spoken of if I had done so, and I did not want it to be constantly brought to your attention while you are here. I told my parents the reason King Elessar has entrusted me with this responsibility, but asked them to spread it no further. My friends may congratulate me on that without knowing the particulars of how it came about, and you and Belinzil are spared the fuss."

"That is very considerate of you, and modest. Thank you." She smiled in the darkness. Not many young men would have concealed such heroism, wanting instead to impress others. Her father had done well to take note of Gasthold, and reward his integrity.

Rising, she smiled at him. "Shall we return inside? I believe I could manage a bit more dancing, and all this conversation has left me quite thirsty."

Gasthold had stood as well, and now offered her his arm before guiding her back into Meduseld. This time, however, he remained nearby as the young noblemen approached. Several were holding wine they had brought for her, and she took two of the goblets, handing one to Gasthold despite the annoyed look from her suitors.

For awhile, Gasthold stayed nearby to make sure Tuilwen had no further difficulties, though it cost him a few puzzled glances from the noblemen surrounding her.

Belinzil seemed to be faring better, though that was understandable since she had not been the focus of the attack. It was difficult for him to watch her dancing almost every dance with a different partner, and knowing he could not approach her himself. At least he was able to distract his thoughts by pairing with his sisters and a few of the other young ladies present. Even so, it was somewhat of a relief for the evening to end, as he had been on edge most of the time.

Over the next few days, he realized that this visit home was not helping as much as he had hoped in directing his attention away from Belinzil. Just as at Minas Tirith, he was around her on a regular basis but, as captain of her guard, he felt an obligation to focus on her even more than usual, and make certain she was safe. That did little to enable him to stifle any personal feelings he was having for her.

It was another fortnight before the next dance, and Gasthold mentally geared up for the event. Despite his efforts, nothing could prepare him for the pain the occasion brought.

After being in Edoras for nearly three weeks, the twins had become well acquainted with the various noblemen who eagerly sought their attention. Apparently one had been successful in attracting Belinzil's notice. Gasthold had just gotten a goblet of wine, when Belinzil hurried over to him, her sister trailing along behind.

"Gasthold!" Belinzil exclaimed excitedly as she drew near, and he looked at her questioningly. "I have just learned there is to be a street fair held the day after tomorrow! Tamleod has invited me to go with him! Oh, please Gasthold, may we go? Father would not mind our attendance if you were accompanying us, and I do so long to spend more time with Tamleod!" She giggled at the prospect, and then blushed as she realized she was revealing her infatuation to more than her sister. Still, it was only Gasthold.

Tuilwen watched Gasthold from the corner of her eye, suspecting what it must be costing him to keep his countenance. After a moment, he answered quietly, "If that is your wish, then I will go with you. I would not spoil your pleasure, my lady."

Belinzil was oblivious to his stiffness and smiled broadly. "Oh, thank you, thank you! It shall be such fun! And Edoras is not nearly so dangerous as Minas Tirith. You should dance a few also with some young lady, and not spend all your time watching us!" Happily, she scurried away to inform Tamleod of Gasthold's consent, and Tuilwen slowly turned to follow her, unable to think of anything to say to the young man that would offer any comfort.

The wine tasted bitter in his mouth and he set down the goblet, having lost interest in it. She had not even taken enough notice of him to know that he had danced several dances with various young ladies. To her, he was little more than a fixture on the wall, and he could not stifle the emptiness he felt inside.

He gave a low growl of frustration with himself. Why could he not defeat this, and drive these feelings from his soul? She would never be his, and he could not live his life suffering every time she looked at another man. He had edged back into the shadows around the perimeter of the room, and stared unseeingly at the proceedings. Perhaps…perhaps he would have to make a drastic change. If he could not subdue his feelings for Belinzil, then he must absent himself from her. Once the twins were safely returned to Gondor, he must force himself to leave King Elessar's service, and avoid any further contact with the man's daughter. It was the only solution he could find. With a heavy sigh, he sat down to wait out the rest of the evening.

TBC

Notes:

Belinzil – "shining flower"

Tuilwen – "flower maiden"

Gasthold – "faithful soul"

Brithadan – "gravel man"

Celondur – "dark river"

Abadwyn - "expected joy"

Frideberht - "bright peace"

Athric – "powerful oath"

Tamleod - "mild man"

Rosswenn – "rain maiden"

Kialmar - "more speckled" (has lots of freckles) (from cylu - spotted, mára - more) – I made up this name before I knew much about Tolkien's languages, and likely this is a poor choice, but I don't like to change names once they have been used. The best "rationale" I could come up with for the name is given in the word sources I used to create some sort of meaning for it.

Jul, 30 IV – Dariel gives Cirion's babyclothes to Theodwyn for first child who was born in Sep (Gerisen)

beg of Nov, 30 IV – Dariel becomes pregnant with Selinnan

late Jul, 31 IV - _Selinnan born ("joy from within") – dau of Elfwine/Dariel_

**Yáviérë - **The harvest feast of Gondor - The harvest feast-day of the Stewards' Reckoning of Gondor, lying between the months of Yavannië and Narquelië. On a modern calendar, Yáviérë would have fallen on 21 September.

31 IV: Gasthold would be 26, twins would be 21 [Eldarion 31, Luthiel 26, Elf 30, Thw 23, Thm 21, M 17, Thd 8, Ara 8; Gasthold's sisters Abadwyn would be 15 and Frideberht 23 (marr to Athric 24) (Eomer 60, Loth 52)

29 IV: Gasthold comes to service of the King of Gondor in the household guards

_in #98 Awry:__ Miren became Lothiriel's nurse to the children in 23 IV when Theodred was born, since Morwen was 9 by then and Daelwyn had retired. In 25 IV, Miren's kids are 9, 17 and 20 (the eldest is male, the others are female). The two eldest run their home and care for their little sister while Miren goes to M.T. with Lothiriel and Theodred. Kialmar, Miren's husband, is head of the King's Escort (second to Eothain of King's Guard) and is also on the trip, so the children are home alone, though their Aunt Lissa checks on them._

_Eothain is Captain of the King's Guard and remains at Edoras to protect the city._

Miren's son (Gasthold) was born in 5 IV (20 in 25 IV); 2 daus (Frideberht b 8 IV and Abadwyn b 16 IV)

_**End note:  It is best that you read the Elfwine Chronicles in the order they were written. The more of them that I wrote, the more likely I was to make reference to one of the previous ones and something that happened there. If you want to read them in order, go to the top of this page and click on my name (Deandra). That will take you to my profile page. Scroll down and you will find all the stories I have written. The Elfwine Chronicles are in order from bottom to top since ffn shows them in the order they were posted. A few were posted out of number order, but you can read them in posting order or number order since those few won't be affected in the story content.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Yearning**

**Chapter 3**

If his family had noticed any change in Gasthold's mood, they did not comment on it. More and more he had been turning over the responsibility for watching the twins to the guards he had brought along for that purpose, and spending more of his time supervising from a distance. Neither of the young ladies gave any indication they were aware of his absence, or perhaps they merely assumed he was spending more time with his family, but once or twice he did catch Tuilwen eyeing him with a speculative look. He carefully avoided giving her occasion to question him as he feared she might.

The day of the street fair, Abadwyn persuaded him to take her shopping for the new dress he had promised her. Though shopping in general did not interest him, at least it distracted him a bit from dwelling on Belinzil, and what her preparations might be for the evening to be spent with Tamleod.

_Tamleod!_ The notion still irked him. If she had to choose anyone in his stead, could it not have been someone more worthy? Tamleod was everything amiable – and he was as dull as dirt! _What could she possibly see in such a man? _

He gritted his teeth and forced his thoughts back to Abadwyn's cheerful chatter, determined not to give into his morose musings. At least his sister's good humor was infectious, and he could not restrain a grin or two as he gave her annoyingly unhelpful suggestions.

Meanwhile, the twins were also out perusing the shops in search of something new to wear that evening. As they entered a mercantile with a good supply of dresses on display, their attention was drawn to a laughing couple over to the side. Teasingly, Gasthold had drawn Abadwyn into his arms, feigning an admiring suitor and telling her gushingly how lovely she looked in the dress she was holding up to her.

The twins raised their eyebrows, never having seen Gasthold behave so playfully before, and Belinzil felt a twinge go through her at the sight. "I did not realize Gasthold had a special lady friend here at Edoras," she commented to her sister. "I have not heard him mention such, and I wonder at his serving in Gondor so far from her."

Tuilwen kept her features even as she advised quietly, "I believe that is his sister. I do not think he would behave so familiarly with her otherwise. He is not that sort of man."

Belinzil glanced at her in surprise, then back at the couple, just as Abadwyn looked up and noticed them watching. Flushing pink, she nudged her brother and whispered something that made him turn. Releasing his sister, he straightened, and then led her over to join the twins. "My ladies," he acknowledged with a bow. "I should like to have you meet my sister, Abadwyn. Abadwyn, these are the Ladys Tuilwen and Belinzil."

Belinzil was again struck by how he correctly gestured to the right person as he named them, but then his sister was curtsying and greeting them, and her attention was drawn back to the pleasantries that were being exchanged. After Abadwyn had suggested possible shops for them to visit, each party excused themselves to continue on with their activities.

"That was so embarrassing!" Abadwyn whispered to her brother once they were gone. "They must think me very silly!"

He chuckled and tweaked her nose. "I am sure they found it amusing and do not think ill of you. If anything, I am the one more likely to have lost status in their eyes for my behavior. But I do not think they will hold it against me. Now, come. If we do not find you a dress soon, you will be wearing a blanket to the festival tonight!"

Though his words turned Abadwyn's thoughts back to their purpose, his own were not so easily affected. No matter how much he tried to avoid her, Belinzil seemed to be continually present where he was. He sighed softly, reminding himself he would be accompanying her on an outing with a would-be suitor tonight! Surely an evening could not get much more miserable than that.

Although he was working, and keeping an eye on the twins, Tuilwen had granted permission for him to act as his sister's escort as well. At least with her, he did not have to worry about being inattentive if he found it necessary to focus on the twins' activities or companions.

When he had left Rohan two years before, his sister was too young to attract much male notice, but now was far different, and he found himself keeping almost as close an eye on her as on his charges. Still, he saw no reason to spoil her fun so long as the young men behaved appropriately, and so he permitted her to dance with several of them, and engage in the various games of sport that were on offer.

Even so, Abadwyn's social success only added to his own sense of loneliness and displacement. Would that he could clear his heart and mind of the pretty little princess of Gondor, and enjoy life again. What torture love was when unrequited!

xxxxx

Gasthold supposed that in the back of his mind, he rather thought Tamleod would disappear with their return to Gondor, and be nothing more to Belinzil than a pleasant memory of her visit here. Instead, just a few days before their departure for home, the twins found him after supper in the Golden Hall, chatting with some of his men.

"Gasthold! Tamleod is going to come to Minas Tirith!" Belinzil exclaimed. "May he travel with us?"

Tuilwen eyed their guard steadily, and his own eyes flicked to meet her gaze. After considering a moment, he shook his head, "I do not think that is advisable, my lady. I do not believe your father would approve of such when he has not formally sought permission to court you as yet. It would be better for him to travel on his own, and take proper steps first."

Belinzil was clearly disappointed, but Gasthold felt certain it was not his own heart but his reason speaking in the matter. It would be more difficult to guard the twins' honor in a camp setting, and Gondorians were most adamant about observing protocol in such matters. Lady Tuilwen looked approving of his decision, and that gave him some relief of mind, but Belinzil seemed ready to argue the point, and he really did not think he could face such a thing just now. Tamleod would come to Gondor and court Belinzil. There was no reason to think King Elessar would reject him if Belinzil did not; he was of a most noble Rohirric family and eminently suitable.

Rising abruptly, before more could be said, he excused himself. "I have duties I must see to before the night is fully upon us, my ladies. If you will pardon me." Quickly he made for the front of Meduseld and stepped out into the twilight. Moving across the terrace, he stood for several moments staring out over the Riddermark, lit with a nearly full moon, and trying not to think or feel.

A sound to his left alerted him to the presence of another person. It was Tuilwen, and he turned to give her a bow. "My lady. Did you require something of me?"

"Gasthold…" she began, then paused, unsure what she could say to him. "My sister…" she tried again, but he cut her off.

"I am pleased that she has found happiness," he said heavily, turning away.

"What about your happiness?" Tuilwen persisted, and he realized then that she knew his secret, or at least suspected.

"My happiness…does not include Lady Belinzil. It never did, and there is no reason it ever should," he answered quietly, not looking at her.

"Will…will you be returning to Minas Tirith with us?" she asked, a little fearfully.

He sighed softly, then avowed, "I would not shirk my duty. I am in service to the King of Gondor." Without further comment, he hastened down the steps of Meduseld and melted into the gathering darkness.

Tuilwen watched him go with troubled eyes. "But for how long?" she murmured softly to herself. She did not think he would remain as part of their household guard once his duty was discharged, and her father could be persuaded to release him. And she could not help thinking her sister was making a grave error in this, but that was not her place to decide. Until Belinzil herself saw it, Tuilwen's opinion did not matter. A tear trickled down her cheek before she turned and went inside.

xxxxx

The trip home was not nearly so agreeable to Gasthold as the journey to Rohan had been. The knowledge of Belinzil's determined affection for Tamleod chilled him, and he made it a point to keep as much distance from her as he could without drawing notice. He knew Tuilwen was watching him, but he refused to show his feelings.

For the greater part of the trip, Belinzil did little more than chatter to her sister about her new-found suitor. Tuilwen knew Gasthold was making every effort to stay out of earshot of their conversations, and she could not blame him for that, though it saddened her to see him so accepting of this situation as "right". For all her sister's enthusiasm, she had found Tamleod rather "wanting", being both colorless and lackluster, and she was not at all certain he could distinguish between them as Belinzil believed he could. If anything, Tuilwen suspected he had merely been fortunate in correctly identifying which was which. If that was true, she could not help but wonder what her sister's reaction would be when his luck finally ran out.

Still, Tuilwen kept her thoughts to herself. She knew Belinzil would not listen were she to voice any objection to Tamleod, and any effort to praise Gasthold would seem surprising. And she felt rather certain that Gasthold would not welcome her interference. No, she would have to let things play out as they would between the parties involved.

The sight of Minas Tirith on the horizon was a welcome one to Gasthold. At last it would be ended. And, whatever else, he could feel proud of the way he had conducted his first command.

Once the twins had greeted their parents, Gasthold and the other soldiers set about seeing that the pack animals were unloaded of their belongings, and that all the animals and supplies were restored to their proper places. King Elessar had indicated he should return to the Citadel in an hour's time to report, and Gasthold mentally prepared himself for the meeting.

Initially, he had thought to broach the subject of his leaving Elessar's service, but there were others in the room and he was not comfortable doing so in their midst. Instead, he reported on the outing and their time to the North, and Elessar gave him a warm smile in response. "My thanks, Gasthold. As I expected, my confidence in you was not misplaced. My daughters are returned to me well and safe; indeed, I do not even see any lingering traces of distress over their attack. That is a great relief to me."

Gasthold nodded, but said, "I do not believe I may take any credit for the latter, my lord. Surely it was merely the trip and time away from the memory that has eased their distress, rather than anything I have done." He paused a moment, then added, "My lord, I am sure you will soon hear of it from your daughters, if you have not already, but a young nobleman of Edoras has taken an interest in Lady Belinzil, and they spent some time in one another's company. I did not think you would object, as they were properly supervised, but the young man wished to accompany us on the journey back. I vetoed that idea as I did not think you would approve. Still, I believe he will arrive soon and wish to speak with you." His jaw tightened and he lapsed into silence.

For several moments, Elessar gazed insightfully at his young guard, and then nodded. "Thank you for alerting me to these details. You acted appropriately." Suspecting what he did of Gasthold's affections for his daughter, he could have said far more, but he did not wish to discuss the matter openly before others and he doubted Gasthold would wish that either. That conversation must wait until another time, but Elessar could not help wondering what the impact of these new circumstances would be.

As Gasthold's luck would have it, King Elessar was unavailable to speak with him for some time, and to make matters worse, Tamleod arrived in the city only three days behind them. Clearly the man was eager to pursue his courtship, and for the time being Gasthold had little choice but to be witness to it. He had returned to serving in the king's guard, and though Tuilwen was friendlier toward him when he was watching over them, Belinzil was too wrapped up in her infatuation with Tamleod to pay him any more mind than before.

Almost as soon as he arrived, Belinzil arranged for Tamleod to speak to her father, and though Elessar could not warm to such a mild, unimpressive man, he could find no reason to reject his suit if Belinzil was inclined. Indeed Tamleod was agreeable, but the king found himself having to stifle a yawn more than once during their meeting, and he knew it did not have to do with his being tired. Still, Belinzil was young and perhaps if the courting went on long enough, she would see for herself how dull he was and lose interest. He could at least hope for that possibility!

For nearly the next sennight, Tamleod seemed ever present – at meals, escorting Belinzil into town or visiting with the young lady in the library. Certainly Elessar could not fault his persistence, and clearly Belinzil did not object to it.

While Belinzil welcomed Tamleod's attention, she found it did not excite her so much as it had in Edoras, and her enthusiasm seemed to have eased considerably, though she could not imagine why. Everything that had seemed so perfect in Rohan seemed slightly out of step here at home. Tamleod sometimes irritated her with his constant acquiescence to anything and everything she said, and whereas she had seen him occasionally in the North, his presence for the better part of every day was proving a bit wearing. Life in general seemed out of kilter; since they had returned, Gasthold had fallen back into being the stiff and formal guard he was before they left. She had enjoyed his easy manner as they traveled to visit Dariel, and seen a side of him that she should have expected though she had never given it any thought. He had been amusing, dutiful but not stifling in watching over them, always agreeable and his playfulness with his sister that day in the shop had been most pleasing to witness. Some part of her had begun to think of him as a friend, and it was distressing that it seemed to have evaporated upon their return home. Though, if she was honest, he had seemed changed on the trip back, keeping his distance. She had not taken much notice of it at the time, but now it seemed curious.

In connection with Yaviere, various activities were planned in celebration of the harvest, and a dance was scheduled in the Hall of Feasts. This year found Belinzil coming to the dance a bit more optimistically than she had the last one she had attended in July. This year there was a special young man, a man who knew her as an individual. That thought made her smile and she prepared carefully, not noticing the thoughtful glances Tuilwen cast upon her.

Tuilwen, too, was remembering their preparations for that previous dance, and the conversation they had held then. After the attack, Tuilwen had not made it to the dance, though Belinzil did put in appearance briefly before retiring. She still was not convinced that Belinzil had found what she thought she had in Tamleod, and lately she was getting the distinct impression that Belinzil was not finding the young Rohir quite so appealing. Time would tell if this would develop into a lifelong connection, or whether Tamleod would fade from the scene. She could not help wondering what would become of Gasthold as all this was unfolding. He had not yet left her father's service, though she suspected circumstances had dictated that rather than a lack of desire to do so. The longer Tamleod remained on the scene, the less likely Gasthold would linger.

The dance itself was unremarkable from most others. Numerous partners approached both of the twins, though Belinzil clearly favored Tamleod in her acceptances. September had been unseasonably warm, and so the hall was a bit stifling. The twins made their way toward the garden for some fresh air, while Tamleod offered to fetch wine for the two of them.

It was pleasant in the twilight, the stars growing clearer as the darkness deepened, and the sisters walked in comfortable silence. Footsteps behind them drew their attention and they turned, looking virtually identical. Though often they wore dissimilar outfits to de-emphasize their matching features, tonight their dresses were cut in a like manner and only the color truly set them apart. In the dim light around them, however, the difference was undetectable.

Tamleod hesitated ever so slightly, then offered wine to the sister on his left, "Lady Tuilwen."

Before he could offer the other goblet to her twin, the woman he had addressed glared and took a step toward him. "_That_ is Tuilwen. I am Belinzil," she said with frosty annoyance, only just realizing she had been mistaken about his ability to distinguish between the twins.

"Oh, sorry. You two are so very similar, it is natural I would sometimes be confused," he laughed nervously. It did not seem to be a very important matter, but best to keep the ladies happy if it bothered them.

Unbidden, words spoken months before came back to Belinzil: _'I could never confuse you with anyone.'_ Her eyes widened as she remembered the circumstances, and the person who had said those words to her.

"Please excuse me," she gasped and hurried away, as Tamleod stood watching her depart with a perplexed look on his face.

"Did I say something amiss?" he asked Tuilwen, who was gazing sorrowfully after her twin.

"No. Perhaps she is just overly tired. Good evening, Tamleod." She moved quickly to follow her sister, knowing instinctively where she would go. It did not take long to reach the Tower, and after a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, she spotted Belinzil leaning on the wall and gazing out into the night.

"Belinzil?" she called softly. Her sister gave a slight turn of the head to acknowledge her presence and she moved closer. "Are you well?"

"What have I done?" the girl murmured dejectedly. "What have I done?"

"You have hurt a very good man, who loves you dearly," Tuilwen admitted, certain they were speaking of the same thing.

"Did you know?" Belinzil asked, a tremor in her voice. "Did he…tell you that…." Her words trailed off.

"Not in so many words, but it was still evident. I saw how he looked at you. It was never the same as how he looked at me. Even when he was being_ properly soldierly_ there was a tenderness in his eyes when they rested upon you."

Belinzil fell upon her sister, hugging her tightly as she wept, and Tuilwen stroked her hair soothingly. For long minutes they said nothing, and then Belinzil pulled back, swiping at her damp eyes. "I have been such a fool. Why did you not tell me? I thought Tamleod could…"

She broke off her comment and Tuilwen had to restrain a smile. "You thought he could tell us apart, and so surely he must love you? You cannot judge a man's affection solely on that, Belinzil. We _do_ look alike, and sometimes even Father confuses us. You should accept or reject Tamleod based on more substantial things."

Belinzil sighed, and shook her head. "I am not certain there is anything more substantial to him! Has he always been so…so insipid? Was I simply too blind to see?"

Now Tuilwen did laugh. "Yes, and yes! I could not imagine what you saw in him. He is amiable, to be sure, but little more."

Belinzil turned back to gaze over the Pelennor again, rubbing at her temple. At length, she asked, "Will you offer my apologies to everyone and tell them I have retired with a headache? I do not wish to return to the dance tonight."

"Of course, dearest," Tuilwen told her, pressing a kiss to her hair. "Do you wish me to stay so you may talk?"

"No, you go back and enjoy yourself. I will be fine. I think I need some time alone," her twin assured her, and nodding, Tuilwen slowly did as she was bid.

xx

It rather surprised Tuilwen that Belinzil spoke no further of the matter the next day, but she recognized the look in her sister's eyes – she was chewing on it mentally despite her silence. Tuilwen could only wait to learn what she decided. In the meantime, Tamleod found his advances now rebuffed, to his utter bewilderment.

Two days after the dance, the sisters ventured into town to shop, both hoping that would improve Belinzil's mood. As it happened, Gasthold was assigned to accompany them, though he trailed along silently despite the sidelong glances Belinzil kept casting his way.

When they returned to the King's house, they paused at the drawing room door. "I will take our purchases upstairs and then return," Tuilwen said, reaching for the two packages Belinzil carried.

"All right," Belinzil replied, moving into the drawing room to await her sister, who continued down the hall.

Gasthold took up his position by the open door, but after a moment Belinzil turned to gaze at him and invited, "Will you not be seated, Gasthold?"

"No, my lady. I am expected to stand while on duty," he answered evenly, though surprised by the question. Belinzil had never particularly taken any notice of his presence before this.

"Oh, yes…of course," Belinzil murmured in embarrassment. She turned away again and went to look out the balcony door. Finally, she returned to stand before him, a determined look on her face. "If I ask you a question, will you answer honestly?" she queried challengingly.

His brow knit at the curious course of their conversation, but he told her, "The Rohirrim are an honest and plain-spoken people, my lady. I would never think to lie to anyone."

She bit her lip nervously, then pressed on with her purpose, asking, "Do you…do you have feelings for me? Beyond friendship or duty?" She dropped her eyes, afraid to look at him as he answered.

Gasthold's stomach lurched into his chest, making it difficult to breathe or speak for a moment. With extreme effort, he regained sufficient composure to respond quietly, "Yes, my lady. But it is of little significance. Do not be concerned about it."

Before she could protest this casual assessment or question him further, Tuilwen rejoined them. Her sister readily detected the tension between Gasthold and Belinzil, but did not comment on it, knowing her twin would confide in her later if she wished. Instead, she began a cheery, inconsequential chatter about their visit to town, and with a slight bow to excuse himself, Gasthold stepped into the hall and closed the door behind him to afford them privacy.

Once alone, he leaned back against the cool stone wall, his eyes shut, and let out a ragged breath. He had been careless or Belinzil would not have thought to ask such a question. Clearly he could no longer delay in speaking to the king, and moving on from here. He could not remain as her guard with her aware of his feelings. He would be sorry to leave Elessar's service, as he had very much enjoyed his time here, and he would truly miss seeing Belinzil so often. But it was for the best. She had no place in his life and remaining so near her would only cause him pain, and possibly make things difficult for her. Perhaps it was even time to consider returning home to serve his own king. Slowly he pushed himself upright, and fell into his guard stance, letting his face become impassive. He would seek counsel with the king as soon as he could gain an audience.

Inside the drawing room, it became apparent that Belinzil was not paying attention to Tuilwen's discourse. To possibly spur Belinzil's confiding in her, Tuilwen asked, "Is something the matter?"

Belinzil slouched onto a chair, scowling across the room as she rubbed fretfully at her forehead. "I asked him. I asked if he had feelings for me, and he admitted it. But he said it was unimportant!"

"What did you expect him to say?" Tuilwen asked quietly, sitting in a chair she drew close and taking her sister's hand. "He is a soldier, Belinzil, one of our guards. Do you not see the problems his feelings for you might cause? His every move will become suspect, especially if Father were to learn of it. Gasthold is often alone with us, and there will be some that will think he might take advantage of that."

Belinzil looked at her sister in astonishment. "That is ridiculous, Tuilwen! Gasthold would never do such a thing! He is far too honorable a man to ever –"

Tuilwen cut her off with a raised hand. "I did not say he would ever be guilty of such, only that some will suspect him of it. I know well enough what a fine man he is, and I have come to consider him a good friend as well. He could not lie to you about his feelings if you asked him directly, but you cannot expect him to pursue you as noblemen would. He feels he has not that right, nor does he have any reason to suppose you might ever accept his attentions if they were offered."

Belinzil swallowed hard and tears filled her eyes. She flung herself back into the chair and eyed her twin sorrowfully. "What do I do? I do…like him. He is very pleasant and kind, and he does truly see me as an individual rather than one of a pair."

She fell silent and Tuilwen raised an eyebrow at her. "What does any of that matter, Belinzil? Would you truly ever consider marrying so beneath you, even if you decided you loved him? Would you be willing to live the mundane life of a soldier's wife, without servants to wait upon you and without the money to shop and seek entertainment as often as you wished?"

Belinzil eyed her guardedly, pondering these questions. "I…I have not considered it that far. Why must I decide that now?"

"Would you toy with him, knowing his feelings for you, and then if you did not come to feel the same, merely cast him aside?" Tuilwen asked pointedly. "It is all very well for you to enjoy a brief flirtation with a man and then decide he is not for you, but when you know the man in question cares for you, it is cruel. I would hope you could not be so heartless."

"Of course not!" Belinzil exclaimed, slumping even lower in her chair and foregoing any semblance of a ladylike posture. At length she asked again, "So, what do I do?"

Tuilwen sighed and reached for Belinzil's hand again. "Nothing. I very much expect he will be leaving now that you know of his affections for you. I thought he might when you became involved with Tamleod, and perhaps he intended to and never got around to it, but I think now he will consider it more urgent."

"Leave? But why? He has done nothing wrong, and neither have I!" Belinzil protested.

"No, but it would be too painful for him to remain, and he will not want to make you uncomfortable in his presence. Father could, perhaps, reassign him away from us to limit our contact, but I am not sure he will consider that sufficient."

"Then I have driven him away," Belinzil murmured strickenly.

"Not you, necessarily, but his feelings for you and your knowledge of their existence likely will do so. It is unfortunate, but I do not see any alternative," Tuilwen acknowledged.

The tears now slid down Belinzil's cheek, and Tuilwen reached to pull her into her embrace until the emotion subsided.

xx

To Gasthold's relief, the king agreed to meet with him right after his duty shift ended. He had been shown into the king's study, where he waited nervously for the king to appear, pacing the length of the room. When at last the door opened and Elessar entered, he skidded to a halt and stared a moment, before snapping a bow. "My lord, I thank you for meeting with me."

"It is my pleasure, Gasthold. What may I do for you?" Elessar asked, waving the young man to a chair as he seated himself on the couch. For very formal meetings, he sat behind his desk, across from his visitor, but in most instances he preferred a less rigid seating arrangement, believing it encouraged free discourse.

Stiffly Gasthold took the offered seat, and cleared his throat, still searching for the right words to say. Finally, taking a deep breath, he simply plunged in. "My lord, I…have very much enjoyed serving in your household, and have been honored to guard your family, but certain situations have arisen that make it necessary for me to leave your service."

The request was unexpected, though Elessar could surmise the reason behind it, and realized he should have guessed it might come to this. "May I ask why this is necessary?" the king pressed.

His clear gaze caught and held Gasthold's, and the young man swallowed hard, unable to refuse an honest answer. "I…I have grown overly fond of one of your daughters, my lord. I assure you I have done nothing inappropriate," he hastily added. Taking another deep breath he continued, "She has become aware of my affections, sire, and I believe my presence would be uncomfortable for her, and it compromises my ability to do my best duty for you."

Elessar rose and moved to gaze out the window, considering Gasthold's words. This would somewhat explain why Tamleod suddenly was no longer in evidence, though he wondered what the rest of the story was from his daughter's perspective. Still, Gasthold made valid points – there was no indication Belinzil returned his affections, and the situation could prove awkward. Even so, he hated to lose the service of such a fine man.

Turning he walked the room, making Gasthold even more nervous when he wandered out of sight behind him, but the soldier dared not move his head to watch. "May I suggest an alternative?" Elessar asked quietly.

He had come back to stand before Gasthold who looked up curiously. "An alternative?"

Elessar nodded. "I would keep you in Gondor's service." He raised a hand when Gasthold began to protest. "I would send you to Dol Amroth to serve. Imrahil would welcome you I am certain, for a time. Perhaps after awhile the situation will change sufficiently for you to feel you can return to Minas Tirith. And, I believe, you have family in that city as well. What say you to this proposal?"

Gasthold had not considered such a possibility, but now pondered the offer. He would enjoy continuing to serve in the south, though he could not imagine a day would come when it would be possible for him ever to return to Minas Tirith. But, Elessar was correct that his mother's family did reside in the southern city, and he could serve a few years longer before finally returning to Rohan. Looking up, he nodded to the king, "That would be acceptable, my lord, if that is what you wish. I know your daughters sometimes visit Dol Amroth, but I should be able to avoid most contact with them, and I would be honored to serve Prince Imrahil's house."

"Good," Elessar told him, raising Gasthold to his feet with a gesture and waving him toward the desk, where the king took his official seat. Retrieving a schedule from a drawer, he perused it briefly then announced, "There is a boat to Dol Amroth in three days. That should give you time to settle your affairs here. I will send a letter in the packet that is going this afternoon so Prince Imrahil will be alerted. If for some reason he is not agreeable to this plan, I will have you mustered out of service there and you can return home, with suitable exit wages." Laying down the parchment, he stood, then extended his arm across the desk to the young man and took his arm in a warrior's clasp. "Thank you for all of your efforts on my behalf, Gasthold. It has been a pleasure having you with us. I am sorry we must part company."

Gasthold nodded, rather choked up at the king's warm remarks. "Thank you, my lord. I am ever grateful for all your solicitude."

Elessar waved him to the door in a sign of dismissal, and then slowly sank into his chair as Gasthold left. Sighing, he leaned back and closed his eyes. He supposed he should have expected it would end like this when first he realized the young man's feelings for Belinzil. A most unfortunate turn of events for all concerned. He was sorry there had not been a happier ending.

xxxxx

Belinzil watched from an upper window, that had a view of the barracks courtyard, as Gasthold was bidding farewell to his comrades prior to riding down to the Harlond to catch his boat. It had not taken long for word to spread that Gasthold was being sent to Dol Amroth, and though there was much speculation about the reason, since none was given, the king's open affability toward the young man made it difficult to support rumors that he had somehow fallen into disfavor with the royal house. In the end, most merely shrugged off the matter and gave it no further thought, but Belinzil found it hard to dismiss it since she was all too familiar with the particulars surrounding the event. When she asked, her father had confirmed that Gasthold requested leave from service, and been reassigned instead, and though nothing was said to her directly, Belinzil very much suspected her father, and therefore her mother, knew the reason the request had been made.

What she did not know was how she felt about the whole thing. Gasthold had been very nice, but as Tuilwen pointed out so bluntly, he was not the sort she would think to look at for a husband, even knowing of his affections. Presumably some benefit would come to him by marrying her, and so his station might be somewhat elevated by such an alliance, but she very much suspected that her own circumstances would be greatly lowered from what she had come to expect as commonplace.

Tuilwen did not comment on her sister's new-found introspection. She knew her well enough to know the source of her turmoil, but in this matter she had no sage advice to offer. Only Belinzil could work out a solution of some sort.

Nearly a sennight after Gasthold's departure, the king and his Steward were working together in the king's study, but though Faramir was bent over a parchment scribbling out notes, the king had sat back and was staring out the nearby window. At length, he spoke. "Faramir, you were acquainted with Gasthold, were you not?"

Looking up, mildly surprised, Faramir set his pen aside and nodded, rubbing at his tired eyes. "Yes, sire. We had become rather friendly. He was an avid reader and often borrowed books from me. Frequently we enjoyed conversation about them afterwards. He has a lively mind, and I enjoyed the fact that he was not afraid to dispute me."

Elessar was silent for several moments, and his Steward eyed him patiently, waiting to learn what had prompted this discussion. Finally, the king told him, "I do not know if you are aware of the details of his departure. I assure you he was in no disfavor, but he had developed affections for Belinzil and did not think he could adequately serve here any longer. My daughter learned of his feelings, and that in part spurred his actions."

Faramir raised an eyebrow, but kept silent as he waited for the king to say more, deeming it was unlikely the man merely had a need to mention this matter in passing. Eventually, Elessar continued, as he rose to move to the window, saying over his shoulder, "I do not know if Belinzil is aware of your relationship with Gasthold or, if she is, whether or not she will use that knowledge, but if she approaches you and wishes to speak of him, you have my permission to tell her anything she wishes to know – assuming it will not violate any confidence. She has grown quiet of late, and I believe this whole affair preys on her mind. I believe she might desire further information in her effort to lay it to rest in some fashion."

Now the Steward cocked his head slightly and observed, "It sounds…as though you would not object to the match, were it to develop."

Now Elessar turned to face him and shrugged. "It is difficult to encourage it, considering their respective stations in life, and yet he is a good man. She could do far worse…Tamleod, for instance!" He chuckled and Faramir joined him. Neither had been impressed with the young man from Edoras that had followed Belinzil home. Already, Belinzil had realized that, whatever her thoughts about Gasthold, she was not interested in pursuing connections with Tamleod any further and she had apologetically dismissed him. He had departed four days previous, taking the rebuff with his usual oblivious equanimity.

Continuing, Elessar said, "If she chose Gasthold, I would not interfere. But she must be certain. He is a proud man, and I cannot simply raise him to her level by virtue of their marriage. Over time, he may be elevated through his own hard work and merit, but she must realize going in that her own situation will be lowered by such a union. Naturally she would be accorded all that is due her as my daughter at the time of her wedding, but on a daily basis thereafter, she might find the way of life not to her liking. And, truthfully, at this point, I do not think she truly even knows him. She has learned some few, inconsequential things about him but nothing of the man himself. This alliance, if it ever comes about, is a long way off."

"As you wish, my lord," Faramir agreed, reaching for his pen again as Elessar reseated himself to return to the business at hand.

xxxxx

The king had been insightful on the matter. It was less than a fortnight more before Faramir caught Belinzil sneaking looks in his direction. He might have considered this odd had it not been for his conversation with the king, but now he expected it was a prelude to her approaching him for information. It took her several days, apparently, to work up the nerve, and she seemed most embarrassed as she did so.

He had been working in his office when she appeared, asking for an audience and blushing faintly as he welcomed her in. For a time, she engaged in insubstantial pleasantries, gradually working toward her purpose, and he made himself keep an even countenance while he waited.

At last she observed, "I was talking with Tuilwen the other day and she said you and Gasthold were friendly. I was not aware you knew him – one of our former guards."

He nodded mildly. "Indeed, I did. Eowyn and I were acquainted with his family because of their connection to King Eomer, and so we took a bit of an interest in him when he came to Minas Tirith. Eowyn seems to feel a personal responsibility for any of the Rohirrim who come to this land. And perhaps she enjoys being able to speak with someone from her home, and share news. In my case, Gasthold and I share a love of books so we were working our way through my library."

"You have a fine library," Belinzil offered. "I would enjoy reading some of your books also."

"You may borrow any that you wish, of course," Faramir replied.

"You…you said you knew Gasthold's family? I met one of his sisters while we were in Edoras, Abadwyn I believe her name was."

"Yes, that would be his younger sister. The older sister is married, but still lives in Edoras. Gasthold's father, Kialmar, is second in command of the king's guard, and his mother, Miren, was companion to Queen Lothiriel for many years, both before and after her marriage. She returned to the queen's service when Theodred was born, to serve as both his nurse and Arawine's, since the children's previous nurse was aging, and wished to step down," Faramir explained.

Belinzil nodded her understanding, then fell silent as she digested this information. Now that she thought about it, she had met some of the people Faramir was mentioning, though she had attached no special significance to them at the time. She remembered Miren from when she accompanied the queen and Dariel to Eldarion's wedding, and come to think of it, someone had mentioned the man who had met them on the road when they went to Rohan was Gasthold's father. Realizing she was still in Faramir's office, and unable to think what else to ask just now, she rose and thanked him for his time, quickly excusing herself.

Later, back in her room, she reviewed what she had learned, but knew that it still amounted to very little. She could not truly say she knew Gasthold, or what sort of life he led, or what he thought or wanted. But this wasn't the end of it. She intended to get answers; only then could she make any sort of determination and settle this.

TBC

Notes:

Belinzil – "shining flower"

Tuilwen – "flower maiden"

Gasthold – "faithful soul"

Brithadan – "gravel man"

Celondur – "dark river"

Abadwyn - "expected joy"

Frideberht - "bright peace"

Athric – "powerful oath"

Tamleod - "mild man"

Rosswenn – "rain maiden"

Kialmar - "more speckled" (has lots of freckles) (from cylu - spotted, mára - more) – I made up this name before I knew much about Tolkien's languages, and likely this is a poor choice, but I don't like to change names once they have been used. The best "rationale" I could come up with for the name is given in the word sources I used to create some sort of meaning for it.

Jul, 30 IV – Dariel gives Cirion's babyclothes to Theodwyn for first child who was born in Sep (Gerisen)

beg of Nov, 30 IV – Dariel becomes pregnant with Selinnan

late Jul, 31 IV -_Selinnan born ("joy from within") – dau of Elfwine/Dariel_

**Yáviérë - **The harvest feast of Gondor - The harvest feast-day of the Stewards' Reckoning of Gondor, lying between the months of Yavannië and Narquelië. On a modern calendar, Yáviérë would have fallen on 21 September.

31 IV: Gasthold would be 26, twins would be 21 [Eldarion 31, Luthiel 26, Elf 30, Thw 23, Thm 21, M 17, Thd 8, Ara 8; Gasthold's sisters Abadwyn would be 15 and Frideberht 23 (marr to Athric 24) (Eomer 60, Loth 52)

29 IV: Gasthold comes to service of the King of Gondor in the household guards

_in #98 Awry:__ Miren became Lothiriel's nurse to the children in 23 IV when Theodred was born, since Morwen was 9 by then and Daelwyn had retired. In 25 IV, Miren's kids are 9, 17 and 20 (the eldest is male, the others are female). The two eldest run their home and care for their little sister while Miren goes to M.T. with Lothiriel and Theodred. Kialmar, Miren's husband, is head of the King's Escort (second to Eothain of King's Guard) and is also on the trip, so the children are home alone, though their Aunt Lissa checks on them._

_Eothain is Captain of the King's Guard and remains at Edoras to protect the city._

Miren's son (Gasthold) was born in 5 IV (20 in 25 IV); 2 daus (Frideberht b 8 IV and Abadwyn b 16 IV)

_**End note: **__** It is best that you read the Elfwine Chronicles in the order they were written.**__** The more of them that I wrote, the more likely I was to make reference to one of the previous ones and something that happened there. If you want to read them in order, go to the top of this page and click on my name (Deandra). That will take you to my profile page. Scroll down and you will find all the stories I have written. The Elfwine Chronicles are in order from bottom to top since ffn shows them in the order they were posted. A few were posted out of number order, but you can read them in posting order or number order since those few won't be affected in the story content.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Yearning**

**Chapter 4 (late Apr, 32 IV)**

Gasthold stood on the seawall gazing over the ocean before him, watching the tide ebb and flow. It had been some six months since he left Minas Tirith, and he had hoped to have made more progress in that time toward getting over his feelings for Belinzil. It was not the case, however, and he found her as ever-present in his thoughts as always. He would go for a time without dwelling on her, and then see or hear something and her image would flash in his mind, accompanied by an ache deep within him. He was beginning to believe his heart would never be free of her, and that he would be destined to never marry, or worse yet, to marry someone else but without true love.

He had always envied both his parents and the royal couple of Rohan for the marriages they had entered, and the joy each found in their partner. It did not seem to be his lot in life to have the same. He could not still the heavy sigh that escaped, remaining oblivious to the bustling marketplace behind him. Though a few curious glances were cast his way, none approached him, but one woman watched him silently from the corner of a market shop.

It took several minutes for Belinzil to work up the nerve to draw near him. This was surely going to be awkward, but unless they spoke, there was no hope of improving matters. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and moved to stand nearby.

"Greetings, Gasthold," she said quietly, not wanting to startle him, but he jumped slightly anyway so lost in his musings was he.

As he turned toward her, his eyes widened momentarily before he was able to school his features into his usual impassive demeanor.

"Lady Belinzil," Gasthold acknowledged, stepping down from the wall and offering a stiff bow. "You are looking well."

Belinzil shifted nervously and gave him a cautious smile. "You also, Gasthold." She paused, searching for something to say, then added, "Dol Amroth agrees with you then?"

He hesitated only slightly before responding, "It has its appeal."

It was not truly an answer to her question, Belinzil realized. The carefully worded remark concealed his feelings about being here, and the reason he had come. Taking another deep breath, she ventured, "We have missed you in Minas Tirith. Tuilwen says she always felt completely safe when you were guarding us. I think I would have to agree with that. You took prodigious care of us both."

"I thank you for your approbation. It was my pleasure to serve your father in such a manner," he answered formally.

Belinzil gave a small sigh. This was not going to be easy, clearly. She could not blame him his stiffness and caution with her. Surely he had been quite hurt by her behavior toward him before. She had never consciously done anything to bruise his feelings, but her indifference likely had been just as painful as any overt action on her part. How to tell him that she had changed these past few months? That she had thought much about him and their respective circumstances; that she had found him in the forefront of her mind far more often than she would have expected.

Looking back, she had realized things that were not evident to her at the time, such as that day she had seen him in Edoras, with a laughing, attractive woman on his arm receiving his warm attention. The pang she felt then she had dismissed as idle curiosity, but now she knew there had been a bit of jealousy mingled in as well. Only when she had learned it was his sister, did the churning in her stomach subside and she had quickly reverted to doting on that dull Tamleod. Whatever had she been thinking to be so taken with him? He was fawning and amiable, but had proved to be deathly boring. Even when faithfully conducting his duty to keep them safe, Gasthold had shown good humor and liveliness. Somehow when he had been accompanying them, it was more as though a friend was escorting them than a guard watching over them at her father's orders.

While they stood there in silence, each avoiding eye contact, a pretty, laughing, dark-haired woman came bursting from a nearby shop and hurried over to them, seizing Gasthold's arm in a familiar manner. Belinzil's heart seemed to stop beating within her; she knew he had left Minas Tirith to rid himself of his feelings for her – perhaps he had succeeded.

Gasthold had flushed slightly, but his companion turned to eye the other woman. "And who might this be, Gasthold?" she inquired.

"Forgive me my manners," Gasthold hastily responded. "Lady Belinzil, this is Rosswenn. Rosswenn, I would have you meet Lady Belinzil of Minas Tirith."

Rosswenn gazed at her a moment, then ventured, "Lady Belinzil…are you perhaps the king's daughter?"

"I am," Belinzil acknowledged stiffly, trying to dislike this woman though she seemed perfectly amiable. Why should Gasthold not have found another in her stead?

Rosswenn gave a laugh. "My dear cousin can be most economical with his words when he chooses! It is a very great pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lady." She stooped in a polite curtsy and gave an engaging smile.

_Cousin? That was encouraging_, Belinzil thought. Her smile was brighter and more open this time. "The pleasure is mine. I know little of Gasthold's family, though I did meet his younger sister at Edoras."

"Abadwyn," Rosswenn acknowledged. "She is coming for a visit next month. I do look forward to seeing her. Until Gasthold came to serve Prince Imrahil, we did not have much opportunity to become acquainted with my mother's kin in Rohan."

She tightened her grip on Gasthold's arm as she spoke, leaning into him, and he blushed again. Unsure what more to say, he asked his cousin, "Did you get what you were after in that shop?"

"Yes! See, is it not lovely?" she exclaimed, drawing a small parcel from her bag. She opened the wrapping so they both could see, and told them, "I have had my eye on this brooch forever, but only now had enough to afford it."

Belinzil took a closer look and remarked, "It is indeed beautiful. Is that mother-of-pearl?"

Rosswenn nodded. "My favorite, though I cannot often afford it. But I just could not resist this piece. And with –"

Gasthold cleared his throat and she broke off what she was going to say. Apparently her cousin did not wish to make it known that he had generously given her the final bit she needed to make the purchase. Changing the subject, she asked, "How long will you be in Dol Amroth, my lady?"

Belinzil glanced between the two of them, but did not question the rather obvious effort to divert the conversation. "We have just arrived, and hope to be here a fortnight or so."

"Lady Tuilwen is with you then?" Gasthold inquired, brightening.

"Yes. She took a chill on the boat, and so did not wish to venture out today," Belinzil explained. "She…I believe she would wish to see you, if that is all right with you." The princess eyed him hesitantly, awaiting his response.

"I should like that very much," he hastened to assure her. "Are you staying at the palace?"

"Yes. Prince Imrahil and his son Elphir are always most accommodating to us."

"I shall return to duty tomorrow, so most likely I will see her then," Gasthold acknowledged, now eager to escape Belinzil's presence. He had endured the pleasantries long enough, and he did not want to risk saying anything amiss if he lingered. By force of habit, he glanced around, looking for Belinzil's guard, and spotted them not too far away, looking slightly bored. Neither of them were men he knew, so Elessar must have taken on some new guards since his departure. Returning his attention to the ladies, he added, "We will leave you to your shopping then, my lady. Thank you for taking the time to greet me."

His words stung Belinzil. For a moment, their interaction had almost been friendly, but now he was retreating into his formal, soldierly behavior and distancing himself. How was she ever going to manage the sort of conversation she desired, to let him know that her feelings for him had changed drastically, that she desired to know him better? Before she could say anything more, Rosswenn bobbed another curtsy and bid her farewell, and the pair turned away down the street. Belinzil watched them go with saddened eyes.

For her part, Rosswenn had been surprised by Gasthold's behavior. He was not usually so abrupt with people, and she had thought he had gotten on well with the princesses when he had served in the White City. His actions now suggested something more was going on than she knew.

"Why did you not let me tell Lady Belinzil of your generosity, Cousin? Would it have embarrassed you?" Rosswenn asked, attempting to draw Gasthold out and encourage his confiding in her.

The attempt failed as he merely shrugged and told her, "She would not be interested in such things, Rosswenn. I was only one of her guards, not a friend."

Rosswenn eyed him from the corner of her eye, but kept silent. Despite his casual words, she felt the tension in him. Perhaps his departure from Minas Tirith had not been as it was represented to the family here. It would be interesting to observe her cousin over the course of the next two weeks.

xx

Tuilwen sniffled and blew her nose into a handkerchief, looking thoroughly miserable. She despised being ill, and it always made her cranky and reclusive. Carefully she sipped at the hot tea her sister had brought to her upon Belinzil's return from shopping. Her twin was uncharacteristically quiet, and she was just going to prod her as to the reason when an explanation was offered.

"I…saw Gasthold in the marketplace. He was there with his cousin, Rosswenn." Belinzil kept her voice neutral as she relayed this information, but Tuilwen was not fooled.

"Indeed. Did you speak with him?"

"Yes." Belinzil picked up some hair ties on the dresser and fingered them pensively.

"And?" Tuilwen prompted, when she did not continue.

"He…he was very polite and cordial. As usual. Nothing more," she answered tonelessly.

Tuilwen watched her sister over the steam from the mug of tea. At length, she asked, "And what did you expect of him?"

Belinzil turned sharply, giving her twin an annoyed look. "Not that! If he cares for me how can he be so cool toward me?" she exclaimed.

"How can he not?" Tuilwen reasoned. "He has no reason to think anything has changed. He left Minas Tirith to separate himself from you. Do you not think he might find this encounter painful? He is protecting himself as best he can."

Belinzil slouched into a chair, frowning at the floor. "But it _is_ different now! I have feelings for him now, and I want to –"

"He does not know any of that," Tuilwen said firmly. "You must go slowly. First you must let him know of your interest, and then you can pursue getting to know him better. It is not going to happen in an instant, Belinzil."

"But…but I have hurt him so much. I only want to ease that pain, and let him know that I am changed," Belinzil observed plaintively.

"I know, but it still will take time. Even if your heart has changed, it will not be an easy thing for him to comprehend it. In his heart of hearts, I am sure he believes that such is impossible, even wrong. But do not fret. We will persuade him otherwise!"

xxx

"Gasthold! How good to see you again!" Tuilwen said, extending a hand to him.

Surprised by the familiarity, he bowed over the offered hand and pressed a brief kiss to her knuckles. "And you as well, Lady Tuilwen. Your sister says you are in ill health. I hope you will recover quickly that you may enjoy your sojourn in Dol Amroth."

She smiled, dabbing at her nose with her handkerchief. "It is more a nuisance than anything else. I will be well soon, I am sure. Come, tell me how you are liking the seashore and your time here." She moved to a couch, and gestured for him to sit.

His brow wrinkled in confusion, but he did as she directed. While he had always gotten on well with Tuilwen, she had never been quite so easy with him as she now was. After a moment, he began a short discourse into his time spent by the bay, and gradually began to relax a bit in her presence.

"We have missed you in Minas Tirith," Tuilwen observed quietly, when he finished. "None of our other guards are so amiable as you were. Nor so solicitous of our well-being."

He blushed at the compliment, and murmured, "Thank you, my lady."

She gazed at him a moment, then said, "I have not told you – Father will be joining us next week. I believe he will wish to see you also."

"King Elessar is most kind to favor me so," he humbly acknowledged, and Tuilwen repressed a smile. Did Gasthold truly not understand the high esteem in which he was held, or was he just too modest to own it?

Just then, Belinzil entered the room to find her sister, but hesitated when she spotted her sister's companion. She eyed him warily, saying politely, "Good day, Gasthold."

Instantly, he rose and gave a short bow. "Lady Belinzil." Then, including both of the sisters, he added, "If you will excuse me, I must be about my duties." He was out the door to their murmured remarks of consent.

Once he was gone, the girls eyed one another in silence, not needing words to communicate. This was not going to be easy.

Over the next several days, though he hated to do so, Gasthold made it a point to avoid being anywhere near the princesses whenever it was possible. The less he saw of them, the better it would be for all concerned.

The arrival of Elessar only made it more difficult. For some reason, the king seemed determined to take notice of him, despite Gasthold's every effort to steer clear of him. It was with a good deal of trepidation that he answered a summon to meet with the king in Imrahil's library.

Gesturing the young man to a seat, and pouring himself a goblet of wine though Gasthold declined one for himself, Elessar paced the room. Gasthold tried to still his nerves as he waited to see what the king wished of him. At length, he got an answer he had never expected.

"You have hurt my daughter sorely, Gasthold," Elessar commented quietly.

Gasthold's eyes went wide. "My lord!" he protested. "I would never…I have done nothing –"

Elessar raised a hand to still him and explained, "I know you have done nothing _intentionally_, Gasthold, but it has happened all the same." He turned the wine goblet in his hand, studying the liquid's motion in the glass for a moment, then continued, "Belinzil has always been the butterfly of the two. She is gay and fanciful, and flits from one delight to another. Tuilwen, on the other hand, is more sensible and aware of the way things truly are. Even so, that does not mean that Belinzil cannot be sensible, or that she is never serious and constant about anything. Sometimes it just takes her a little longer to see things clearly than it does her sister."

The king walked over to the window and stared out, unseeingly. Then he spoke further, "I believe she truly has come to love you, Gasthold. I do not think she expected to, nor for it to endure any longer than her previous infatuations, but I believe her heart has tricked her in this matter. You have turned all her expectations on their head, and yet you still are the one her heart cries out for in the end. These past few months I have watched her grow more introspective than I have ever seen her, and heard her ask questions that reflected a new growth and presence. She has sought to know what daily life is like for those in stations different than her own, and come to appreciate the worth and value of the hard work such lives entail. And I believe she has come to know within herself that she is willing to live such a life, if she has the love of a good man – a man whom she has found she loves dearly."

Now Elessar turned to look Gasthold in the eye. "Do not think that I would normally encourage such a romantic entanglement for one of my daughters. Indeed, I am sure there will be many who will be appalled at my forebearance. But Arwen and I are more concerned with our childrens' happiness, and if Belinzil would find happiness, and the sort of joy her parents know, with you, as your wife, then we would not oppose it."

Gasthold could do nothing more than stare at the king. Surely this all must be a dream. He could not truly be sitting here with the king assuring him he had no objections to Gasthold courting, even marrying, his daughter!

Elessar set down his wine goblet and moved over to place a hand on Gasthold's shoulder. "I think it is time for you and Belinzil to talk. Only now you must talk openly and freely, and determine between the two of you where you wish to go from this point. I may be king, and Belinzil's father, but I have done all that I can in this matter. The rest is up to the both of you. But I wanted you to understand my position on the situation, and I wanted to make sure you knew you had my approbation. I have always held your family in high esteem, and you have given me every reason to include you in that."

Slowly Gasthold rose, still in a state of shock at these developments. At length, his eyes came up to meet Elessar's and he said hoarsely, "Thank you, my lord. You have given me much to consider." With that, he turned and slowly departed, not even noticing he had not awaited dismissal from the king.

He was still on duty for another few hours, but Gasthold went through the remainder of the time in a daze, hardly able to focus on anything around him. Over and over his mind replayed the encounter with Elessar, though try as he might he could not find any way to believe he had misunderstood the man's intent. Could it be true? Did Belinzil now share his feelings? And what if she did – what was he to do about it? Was it fair to consign her to the life of a soldier's wife when she had been raised so differently?

By the time his shift ended, his head was pounding. Changing out of his uniform, he headed for the shore. It had not taken long for him discover that location was very conducive to deep thinking. Even so, at the end of more than an hour, dusk was upon him but he had no answers as to how he should act. For the first time, he truly noticed the great distance between him and his family in Rohan. It would have been very nice to be able to talk this over with his parents right about now.

xxx

Despite what the king had told him, Gasthold could not bring himself to approach Belinzil. Noticing the reticence, Elessar made it a point to let Tuilwen know somewhat of his conversation with Gasthold, trusting she would see that her sister was inspired to act accordingly.

Complicating matters was the arrival of Gasthold's sister, Abadwyn. Whenever he was not on duty, he seemed to be spending his free time with her, making it more difficult for either princess to approach him. Still, Tuilwen could be quite inventive when she wished, and it did not take a great deal of effort to engineer the twins' encounter with Abadwyn in the marketplace.

Abadwyn was taken aback by the friendliness of the two royals toward her, particularly given they had only met the one time, and more than a little intimidated by the pair. She sat at the table outside an inn where she had been invited to join them for dinner, eyeing them cautiously.

Belinzil was kept silent by awkwardness, but her sister was well used to putting others at ease in social settings and took command of the situation. "It is good to see you again, Abadwyn. How are you enjoying your visit to Dol Amroth?"

"Very much," Abadwyn answered hesitantly. "This is my first time traveling away from home." She abruptly stopped speaking, thinking the royals would consider her backward and quaint if they knew how little she had been out in the world.

"Then perhaps you will allow us to show you about the city," Tuilwen smoothly suggested. "I know your brother has been doing so but, as a man, likely he is not thinking to acquaint you with those places young ladies find appealing!"

Abadwyn blinked at the offer, then stammered, "I…I would be honored, my lady!"

"Please, call me Tuilwen," the princess smiled. "Your brother must stand on formality in his position as a soldier in Gondor's service, but there is no reason we cannot be more cordial."

Ducking her head, Abadwyn stared down at her hands, murmuring, "Thank you." _This was all so very strange!_

Belinzil sought to enter the conversation at last, asking, "Did Rosswenn show you the lovely brooch she bought recently? I met her and Gasthold in the marketplace, and she had just purchased it."

Abadwyn nodded. "She had been saving her money to buy it for some time, but my brother is most generous. He gave her the amount she lacked so she did not have to wait any longer. He is always doing such thoughtful things. He was buying me a dress for the festival that day I met you in Edoras." She let out a ragged breath, astonished at her temerity in speaking so freely with the other young ladies.

Belinzil could not restrain a smile as the truth was learned. So that was what Gasthold had tried to conceal that day with Rosswenn. Somehow it did not surprise her to learn of his magnanimity, nor his modesty in allowing it to be known.

Nodding, Tuilwen told Abadwyn, "He is a most considerate man. I had recently been attacked before the visit to Rohan, and he was most solicitous in seeing that I was protected from further distress during that trip. Did you know that he is considered a hero in Minas Tirith, that he was the one to rescue me?"

Shaking her head and wide-eyed, Abadwyn stared at her, surprised that neither her brother nor parents had mentioned this. Without thinking, she blurted out, "But if that is so, why did he leave your father's service?" Immediately realizing the impropriety of her question, she flushed red and fell silent.

Belinzil's focus had locked on her plate, but finally she looked up and squared her jaw. "That would be my fault, I am afraid. I…Gasthold developed feelings for me, feelings which I did not share at the time. He thought it best to distance himself from me."

The Rohirric girl gave a small gasp, covering her mouth with her hand and glancing between the royal sisters. Before she could comment, however, Belinzil explained further, "But that has changed. I know now that I do care for him, love him even. Only it will not be an easy thing to convince him of that. He…he thinks himself beneath me, but more and more I am inclined to think he has considerably more greatness of mind than do I. I have been silly and frivolous for most of my life, but no longer. I do not wish to cause him any further pain."

Abadwyn's head was spinning at this revelation. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined this outcome to accepting dinner with the twins. "Will you help us?" Tuilwen asked. "Will you help us persuade Gasthold that Belinzil's heart is changed, and now belongs to him – and that it is all right for him to accept it?"

"I…I do not know," Abadwyn murmured. "I do not know if I should meddle in his affairs." She raised worried eyes to her meal companions. "I do not wish to hurt or embarrass him. He does not deserve that."

"Of course not!" Tuilwen reassured, laying a hand over the other girl's where it rested upon the table. "We do not wish to hurt him either, but rather to ease his distress. But that can only happen if he will talk with Belinzil, and frankly discuss their feelings for one another. Only then can he find peace. I see the pain haunting his eyes, even after these many months away from my sister and, as you said, he does not deserve that."

Slowly Abadwyn nodded her agreement to assisting them, and both twins let out a sigh of relief. They had not engaged Gasthold's sister with the intent of soliciting her aid, but it might well be their best option in the matter.

Once Abadwyn's help had been secured, it was easier to draw her out in talking about her brother – his character, what he liked and disliked, and so forth. Belinzil had gleaned bits and pieces of information from various sources, but she was struck by what Abadwyn revealed at how much she had in common with Gasthold. Only now did she realize how blind she had been. The very thing she had sought was right under her nose all the time. Here was a man who saw her separate from her sister, and she did not think her position as the king's daughter was of any consequence in his affections either. He simply loved her, with all her flaws, and it was humbling to think upon. How very grateful she was that her heart had not betrayed her by refusing to love such a worthy man because of his deficiencies. What was position and money when one had true love? Likely Gasthold could never give her riches in any measure, but he would never let her go wanting. All she had to do was convince him that his feelings were reciprocated, and that it was right and good for him to approach her.

xxx

Even with Abadwyn as an ally, cornering Gasthold was not a simple matter. Abadwyn told her brother of her encounter with the twins and the meal they shared, though she omitted many of the details of their conversation. While puzzled by the princesses' overtures toward his sister, Gasthold refrained from questioning Abadwyn too closely on the subject, frustrating her intent to encourage his interaction with the pair.

When casual acquaintance seemed impossible to achieve, Tuilwen acted more directly, requesting Gasthold visit with her. Unaware of the events playing out in his household, Prince Imrahil had readily sent the young soldier to meet with Gondor's princess. Once he arrived, Belinzil, who had been watching from a distance, joined them. As soon as she did, Tuilwen rose, asking, "Will you excuse me for a few moments, Gasthold? I shall return directly."

His brow wrinkled at this development, but he nodded, replying, "Of course, my lady." He watched warily as she exited the room and her sister moved to sit in a nearby chair.

It took a moment for Belinzil to gather her thoughts and think how to approach this. At length she began, "Gasthold, we need to talk." She paused, then added, "I know Father has spoken with you, and indicated that my feelings for you have altered since you were in Minas Tirith. I assure you he did not speak out of turn in the matter. I…I have come to care for you, to love you. And, unless something has changed in the past few months, I believe you yet care for me. Is that not so?"

Abruptly Gasthold stood, and paced away from her, running a hand through his hair. He did not feel prepared for this discussion, but perhaps there was no avoiding it any longer. "My lady –"

She smiled as she interrupted, "Under the circumstances, Gasthold, I think you may call me by name. I know you know what it is."

He flushed red and looked away. Avoiding the issue of what to call her, he again started, "I am not certain you understand what–"

She stood and moved to stand before him, forcing his eyes to lift and rest upon her. "I do understand. I have spent the past months since your departure coming to understand. When you left Minas Tirith, I did not know my heart regarding you, or that I could countenance the life I might have with you. But now I _do_ know. You have been forefront in my thoughts daily. Will you not consider the possibility of _us_?"

Squeezing his eyes shut, he winced as if in pain. "I am…flattered by your words, but I cannot ask you to walk away from the life you have known. I have nothing of consequence to offer you. Surely you see that!"

"I do not," she replied firmly, stepping in close and causing him to inhale sharply at her nearness. "You offer me love, and a generous heart. You bring courage and honor and good humor. And you bring honesty. Tell me you no longer love me, and I will walk away and trouble you no further. But if you cannot look me in the eye and do so, then accept I am offering myself to you willingly, and with all the love that my heart possesses."

Her hand came slowly up to caress his cheek, causing a tear to trickle down his face against his will. Finally, he forced out the words she sought. "I cannot deny my feelings for you. The Valar forgive me, but I love you too dearly. If you will have me, I will selfishly accept your love."

Belinzil felt almost light-headed at his declaration, and relief swept through her. For several long moments, they just gazed at one another, and then she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him. Initially, he did not react, but then his arms slid around her waist and he pulled her more closely into his embrace. Part of him could not help thinking the king would burst in the door any instant, his sword drawn, and skewer him for his presumption. But Belinzil felt so wonderful in his arms, tasted so delicious on his lips, he could not help thinking he would die a happy man. He smiled. So be it!

xxxxx

_February, 33 IV_

_My dearest Lothiriel,_

_Likely Miren will have already shared this news with you, but I pass it along all the same. No doubt you are aware of the attachment that was formed between Belinzil and Gasthold. Elessar deemed it wise that they not rush into a marriage until they had more time to become acquainted, and perhaps to let Gasthold become more comfortable with the circumstances. At long last, they seem ready and we are fixing a date for the twentieth of next month._

_We do hope it will be possible for you to come and share in this joyous occasion, particularly since I know you are so close with the boy's mother, and your family has been much aligned with his over the years. We look forward to seeing you._

_Love to all there,_

_Arwen_

THE END

3/29/07 – 12/19/07

Notes:

Belinzil – "shining flower"

Tuilwen – "flower maiden"

Gasthold – "faithful soul"

Brithadan – "gravel man"

Celondur – "dark river"

Abadwyn - "expected joy"

Frideberht - "bright peace"

Athric – "powerful oath"

Tamleod - "mild man"

Rosswenn – "rain maiden"

Kialmar - "more speckled" (has lots of freckles) (from cylu - spotted, mára - more) – I made up this name before I knew much about Tolkien's languages, and likely this is a poor choice, but I don't like to change names once they have been used. The best "rationale" I could come up with for the name is given in the word sources I used to create some sort of meaning for it.

Jul, 30 IV – Dariel gives Cirion's babyclothes to Theodwyn for first child who was born in Sep (Gerisen)

beg of Nov, 30 IV – Dariel becomes pregnant with Selinnan

late Jul, 31 IV -_Selinnan born ("joy from within") – dau of Elfwine/Dariel_

**Yáviérë - **The harvest feast of Gondor - The harvest feast-day of the Stewards' Reckoning of Gondor, lying between the months of Yavannië and Narquelië. On a modern calendar, Yáviérë would have fallen on 21 September.

31 IV: Gasthold would be 26, twins would be 21 Eldarion 31, Luthiel 26, Elf 30, Thw 23, Thm 21, M 17, Thd 8, Ara 8; Gasthold's sisters Abadwyn would be 15 and Frideberht 23 (marr to Athric 24) (Eomer 60, Loth 52)

29 IV: Gasthold comes to service of the King of Gondor in the household guards

_in #98 Awry:__ Miren became Lothiriel's nurse to the children in 23 IV when Theodred was born, since Morwen was 9 by then and Daelwyn had retired. In 25 IV, Miren's kids are 9, 17 and 20 (the eldest is male, the others are female). The two eldest run their home and care for their little sister while Miren goes to M.T. with Lothiriel and Theodred. Kialmar, Miren's husband, is head of the King's Escort (second to Eothain of King's Guard) and is also on the trip, so the children are home alone, though their Aunt Lissa checks on them._

_Eothain is Captain of the King's Guard and remains at Edoras to protect the city._

Miren's son (Gasthold) was born in 5 IV (20 in 25 IV); 2 daus (Frideberht b 8 IV and Abadwyn b 16 IV)

_**End note: **__** It is best that you read the Elfwine Chronicles in the order they were written.**__** The more of them that I wrote, the more likely I was to make reference to one of the previous ones and something that happened there. If you want to read them in order, go to the top of this page and click on my name (Deandra). That will take you to my profile page. Scroll down and you will find all the stories I have written. The Elfwine Chronicles are in order from bottom to top since ffn shows them in the order they were posted. A few were posted out of number order, but you can read them in posting order or number order since those few won't be affected in the story content.**_


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